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When Life Gets In The Way

even if we cant be together quote

I am a 47 year old male, single father of 2, and living in the D.C. area. I retired from the army in 2009. I landed a wonderful job before I retired. Completely new environment and I welcomed it. Shortly after retiring, I met a very nice lady. She is 16 years my junior. It was just your usual office building acquaintance.  “Hello”, “how are you”, and so forth. So one day I run into Ms. Nice and I didn’t ask, but said, “Hey, give me your number, I would love to call you”. I did this in a nice way of course, and she obliged. I would call and text her, but she would never pick up or text back. So I figured life goes on.

One day, I see her walking down the street, and I wave at her.  She calls me the next day and I seize the opportunity by asking her out to dinner. The conversation, mood, and environment made dinner a complete hit. There was not a quiet moment between us that night. That date led to many more dates. Along the way we found out more about each other. She’s is a single mother and had just finished struggling through a divorce. To me, it all meant one thing; that this is a real woman I can share myself with. I admitted after a while that I had always felt a deep closeness to her.  I wanted to make it official but she wasn’t ready. There seemed to have been some misinterpreted communication between us and It left me feeling like I had got played. So we agreed to just continue being friends as we were. The friendship continued in a platonic manner, but I confessed on Cinco de Mayo that I had fallen very deeply in love with her. She was shocked and nonetheless, she would not have any part in it. Having been divorced only a year and enjoying her life as a single woman was enough for her to resist anything more than friendship.

Then all of a sudden the gears changed, and Ms. Nice wanted a monogamous relationship with me. Because the field of men in the DMV is terrible and that she felt I had everything in a man she could ask for.  She confessed she loved me, and she wanted to settle down. This was all after drifting apart one year ago,  and I believed her. Well along the way, I started having health problems. Also after I confessed to her about my feelings, and realizing she did not share those feelings I accepted that such a difference in age would not be a wise LONG term decision. I’m 47 and she’s 31. Women start to reach their prime (professionally/socially) in their mid 30’s-early 40’s. So that means I would have a new 36 year old wife wanting to have a VERY ACTIVE social life (she is a social butterfly), when I might not be capable of keeping up with this. So adding to that, me developing serious health problems, which are not going anywhere, and have affected my life.  They all come from 20+ years in the army.  I explained this to her, but it was not seen in that light. It was seen as “Now that I F****d her, I’m done with her, which was 100% untrue. Despite being a very optimistic man, I knew that: 1) both of us being single parents, 2) me being 16 years her senior, and 3) my serious health problems…this was not the best recipe to try to grow a relationship with.

After many very long conversations, this lady agrees that it was not the best decision. She knows I love her deeply and I know she loves me. We remain PLATONIC friends and I do not regret my decision. I would rather know she met and married someone closer to her age and not an older man with pretty serious health problems.  I had come to realize that NO MAN had ever rejected her.  Why? On top of being truly a wonderful woman (and she truly is a GEM), she is absolutely gorgeous. I mean stop traffic, other woman look at her, men disrespect their woman kind of gorgeous. Any man would want this “EYE CANDY”, and I mean that with no disrespect.  I know there are thoughts like “I did not love her”, or I threw away a good woman. All of that is inaccurate. I let go of a GEM. I demonstrated that while we dated, after my heartbreak, and along the way to my decision that I do truly love this woman deeply. There is a degree of pain when we talk, but she cares for me that much more, because she agrees that it would have been pretty hard on her to deal with all the circumstances included…No REGRETS.

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11 thoughts on “When Life Gets In The Way”

  1. Joelle Paule

    wow You truly loved her. Nobody can say you did not, you were realistic and understanding of the situation. To me this is true love, being able to let go of a person you truly love. Kudos and I hope you find a woman that would be closer to your age as well. Love never dies 🙂

    1. Mosesjustmoses

      Thanks Joelle. Probably the hardest decision I ever made! Told you you would find out why! 

  2. Leonard0314

    I just wonder if it was true love! Why did he give her up? Yes, his health concerns would have been a challenge, but they will be for any woman he decides to commit to! And age wouldn’t matter if this man was someone I truly desired and felt true love for!

    1. Mosesjustmoses

       To answer, yes I did, and still do. The health concerns are such that they are what makes the age difference even more significant to the point IT MUST be considered. When faced with chronic conditions that limit everything in your daily life it changes everything. Social, political, religious, aspects aside, let’s put financial, long term, familial, sex, parenting in the front. I make good money, but if at 50 I’m disabled and have a 33 yo wife, who would suffer? Me? Her? So she would have maybe 6 people to take care of? Did you see I am a single father of 2? I would say AGE does matter in any situation. I dated older women coming up, and I know. This is a topic Stephan might have blogged about, and there are many reasons some would go for, others won’t. Nonetheless, it might be seen as the wrong decision but for the right reasons. In the end, GOD knows my heart, and being that I did NOT do this to do her wrong, I know I sleep well in that aspect.


        I completely understand. My situation is the same, but it’s me that has the health issues.. Why would you keep someone you love from a happy life you know they can have, for your own selfish reasons.. I want my husband to be happy. Not sit here and watch me suffer for many years, then die..(Not that I am). But what type of life is that for him? I want to see him happy. Call me crazy, because Love is crazy, in your eyes.. Jesus knew we carried sin all day long, but yet he died for us because he loves us all day long.. I’m not saying that we are suppose to be gods. I’m saying we are suppose to be Christlike (imitators). And that is one of the things God will test you on. Sacrifice!! Making a decision like this is never easy and you cant just wake up one day and say “I love my husband so much to sacrifice my happiness for his happiness..” This decision took some painful years to make. The funny thing is the more I said I want to keep him the sicker I became, but the more I lean to make that decision to let go, the better my health became. So when I went to get the divorce papers my vision came back. Not like it was, but I thank God I can see again.. My cousin said it’s all in my head. Why would God want you to get a divorce when he’d rather for you to marry than to burn. In my heart I know that God’s ways are not our ways. I have known God since I was 6years old and Im still learning, even at the age of 41. All I know is that I want my husband to be happy and I want to be as healthy as I can be and continue to praise my father when I wake up every morning and through out the days I live.

  3. I am in a very similar situation. But we met online on a site I won’t name for privacy (no it’s not an adult freaky place) lol. We both write poetry blogs there and I write short stories we call each page by a Part #. Anyway she wrote a collab piece with someone supposed to be mutual friends. She new him from the first time she got on the site way before I got there in ’08. I never knew of any history or what not. I was on his page reading blogs and came across the collab with her and i can’t really explain it but when a poet/ess writes from the heart even just in general, you feel the words! Every word connected with the way I think, where for years I’ve felt so misunderstood because the way I express myself. I knew right then I found my soulmate, no second guessing, no fairy tales or fantasies. I FELL COMPLETELY IN LOVE FROM WORDS EXPRESS FROM ANOTHER HEART. I had nothing else to go on and when I heard her not too heavy accent I fell again and again from little things I learn as we go! At the time I had no clue what race, age, nor if she was pretty or not so much for my tastes because she had a lot of haters (ex bf’s and the women they flirted with online and the other men she denied access to her heart). Her age said 91yrs lol her profile and her photos all were at friends only setting and she had the mailbox and IM closed to all but friends too. So I told the guy to make sure he get in touch with her, tell her i loved the poem and really wanted to talk to her. He said “Ok” but but didnt for a long time so asked again. Finally he mentions me “oh you know he likes you”. She said, “Oh really? Tell him to send me a friend request”. She had to open access for me. But he wouldn’t tell me! Come to find out that He was married trying to talk to her too, with no intentions of divorcing, so she basically turned him down for me, sum1 free and clear because “I hate drama” as she told me later.All this came out days later. This was Sept.4, 2010 we first talked AND COMMITTED to each other the same day. 2 days later I proposed and she said yes because she was just as sure i was her soulmate after reading my words also. It’s not just what we say but how we say it! Ok all online relationships are risky, right? This one was packed full of them! 1. long distance, she’s in Toronto, Canada and Im in Georgia, USA. Also he health was fading in major areas. She survived breast cancer age 18/19. it returned! She has very bad asthma, coronary heart disease, which her father died from. mother died in a car wreck; she’s a diabetic, have breast cancer as I mentioned AND was suffering from migraines a very long time which turns out to be a cancerous brain tumor! Now I’ll reveal age, She’s Asian and was 28yrs at the time to my 40yrs, a 12 year difference. Yes I’ve dealt with the thoughts of hey, I have younger siblings and nieces and nephews round her age of 30yrs now. But I can’t find 1 reason to walk away from the soul mate of all soulmates in my 42yrs living. Ive had plenty relationships starting at a late blooming 20yrs old but in the 5th grade I told my mother that I either dreamed or saw a vision of my wife, but I never could see her face but she was very beautiful and long black hair down to her waist. Mom remembers to this day. But one day I get a text from my precious gift from God from her Aunt while hannah was in the hospital in another of many comas from a very weak heart and the asthma combined. She asked, “Did _____ (her name) ever tell you she used to have an imaginary friend named Lorenzo? I was like Wow! She said ____ also later was bought a big teddy bear that she named Lorenzo as well and one day with her g-ma she lost her bear leaving it while traveling and it just broke her heart but she had told them her husbands name would be Lorenzo! And when I revealed to her my story she was in awe. She said she has never seen her this happy with no one else. My Queen has suffered many losses of family, n relationships. The worst was she was engaged to be married and walked in on her fiance and bestfriend having sex 2 days before the wedding. She also had mostly extremely jealous types and controlling men so she was warm and open to talking to me but yet had plenty trust issues and she had been drug by her hair across a floor and punched like a man in her face before so she was also withdrawn. These 2 years were rough in the beginning having to literally prove everything over and over to rebuild trust but we did it together and it’s like having the most beautiful and colorful caterpillar change into a 10 times more gorgeous butterfly radiant from within! She used to model part time and was a nurse full time working with dementia patients. She gave up modeling to love and care for her best friend’s now 7yr old daughter and 10yr old son which ____ adopted after her bestfriend lost her life in a car accident. _____ also lost one of if not the favorite uncle who was taking care of her back and forth with the chemo and lack of oxygen that kept her in the hospital more than at her home these past 2 years. Me? I lost apartment, I lost the suv from trying to save the apartment, bought a bicycle the first check i could and rode it 30mins to 40mins uphill the majority of the way to work at the mall then  the same home every day till i got fired for tardiness, not poor performance! The Gas guzzler church van i was using to do lawncare just went back to sum1 so he could get to work because he’s paying the insurance and were riding my bro’s wife’s sons car,…because of so much gas loss so again i’m down to zero job or money BUT I HAVE THE GREATEST LOVE IN THE WORLD, AND FOR MY CASE THERE’S NO “MERCY DEPARTURE” FOR US. I’ve told her already even if she get both breasts removed, no matter the heart surgeries the asthma, the many comas, the diabetes the brain tumor, the fat that i waited all my life to have a wife n kids of my own but her heart may never be strong enough to bare kids and though I have no money to travel to Canada to see her so it’s possible cancer take her away from me before we even meet. THRU ALL OF THAT, SHE IS WORTH HANGING ONTO TILL DEATH DO WE PART WHICH WE BOTH ARE COMMITTED TO. I shared my story because love isnt what you make it,…LOVE IS WHAT IT IS! BUT RELATIONSHIPS ARE WHATEVER YOU MAKE THEM OUT TO BE. FAITH PLAYS A HUGE PART. I DONT BELIEVE GOD IS PLAYING A TRICK ON ME BY GIVING HER TO ME THEN TAKE HER AWAY BEFORE WE CAN GET MARRIED. I ALSO BELIEVE AND HAVE FAITH THAT WE HAVE NO SAY SO IF OUR HEALTH WILL GIVE OUT OR HANG ON SO SHE AND I REFUSE TO GO OUR JOURNEYS APART. SO THRU ALL THE HATE WE GOT FROM BOTH BLACK N WHITE SAYING WE NEED TO STICK WITH OUR OWN KIND AND SUCH AND ME BEING CALLED OLD AND UGLY BY HER EX AND SAYING SHE COULDNT FIND A YOUNG THING LIKE HIM (JUST HATEFUL THINGS) WE ARE STILL HAPPILY IN LOVE REGARDLESS IF WE NEVER KISS MEET OR HAVE SEX. THERE ARE DIFFERENT LEVELS OF LOVE. MAYBE THIS BROTHER FOUND A-1 NOT D-1 (THE ONE) ,….YET. BECAUSE TRUST ME IF GOD IS ORCHESTRATING THE UNION YOU TWO MIGHT AS WELL SIT BACK AND ENJOY THE BEST FEELING IN THE WORLD AND STAY OUT OF GOD’S WAY 😉 JUST THINK ABOUT IT. IF THE AGE REALLY AND ISSUE THAT YOU CANT OVERCOME THEN WAIT AND KEEP IT LIKE YALL HAVE IT.  FELT LIKE ONE TO ME TILL I KNEW. MY SITUATION DIFFERENT BUT ALSO HAS ALOT TO THINK OF BUT WHO ARE YOU TO KNOW GOD’S POSSIBILITIES IN THEIR ENTIRETY? AS SOON AS YOU THINK YOU THINK THERE IS NO WAY THIS OR THAT CAN WORK,…GOD CAN MAKE A WAY. OPEN DOORS AND YOUR LIFE RISE TO A MUCH HIGHER LEVEL. ALL THINGS NONE IMPORTANT TO HIM, HE HAS ALLOWED IT TO BE TAKENED AWAY SO I CAN SEE LOVE AT IT’S PUREST FORM. I’M LIKE JOB, THE LORD GIVETH AND THE LORD TAKETH AWAY, SO BLESSED BE THE NAME OF THE LORD! JESUS HAS ALL POWER ON EARTH AND IN HEAVEN,…MY BELIEF,FREE COUNTRY TO BELIEVE DIFFERENTLY OR DONT BELIEVE AT ALL. IM JUST SHARING . 🙂 IF YOU PRAY 1 TIME FOR THINGS, THEN JUST LOOK FOR THEM AND KEEP MOVING FORWARD, YOU HOLD GOD TO HIS WORD THAT HE WILL NEVER FORSAKEN YOU. AND BE LIKE JOB, NO MATTER IF THE NEWS OF YOUR HEALTH IS SAID TO BE TERMINAL. MY QUEEN WAS TOLD SHE HAD ABOUT 2MOS TO LIVE WAY BACK THANKSGIVING WEEK OF OR NEAR CHRISTMAS AFTER HER 2ND HEART SURGERY. SHE STILL FIGHTS FOR LOVE. SHE REFUSES TO GET A HEART TRANSPLANT THAT THEY SAID SHE NEEDS ASAP BECAUSE SHE SAYS THERE’S NO WAY SHE’S GETTING RID OF THE HEART THAT LOVE ME AND THE KIDS SO MUCH AND SHE’D RATHER DIE SUFFERING PAIN THAN DO THAT. I SAY ASK YOUR FRIEND THE SAME AFTER SUM TIME HAS PAST BUT IF YOU WAIT TILL SHE MARRY OR GET INTO A NEW RELATIONSHIP,…WOMEN MANY TIMES WILL DO OUT OF OBLIGATION NOT LOVE IN SUM SITUATIONS. I’D HAVE A SIT DOWN WITH HER, DON’T INTERJECT WHAT YOU THINK SHE WANT OR NEED TO SAY. JUST LET HER EXPRESS HERSELF THEN TAKE IT FROM THERE. SHOOT LET HER READ THIS MAYBE IT’LL HELP HER UNDERSTAND WHAT SHE CAN OR CAN’T HANDLE BETTER.

    1. Lmaooooooo I’m literally laughin at this response now…. I dont get it either!

  4. Terria Wright

    I really appreciate and respect this story. It's a prime example of how authentic love should flow. Nothing and no one could ever compete with true love. I sincerely admire stories like this. And even though I am single, I will never give up on the possibilities of real love discovering me. My aim and focus at this time is to put everything aside that hinders my relationship with the One Who has allowed me to be on this earth in the first place. I am healed from years of isolation and false accusations, and now it's time to press forward with a mind to live and enjoy life moment by moment to the fullest. I appreciate this article written by a man who knows what he wants. I respect men who chase the one he truly loves.

  5. Terria Wright

    I really appreciate and respect this story. It’s a prime example of how authentic love should flow. Nothing and no one can ever compete with true love. I sincerely admire stories like this. And even though I am single, I will never give up on the possibilities of real love discovering me. My aim and focus at this time is to put everything aside that hinders my relationship with the One Who has allowed me to be on this earth in the first place. I am healed from years of isolation and false accusations, and now it’s time to press forward with a mind to live and enjoy life moment by moment to the fullest. I appreciate this article written by a man who knows what he wants. I respect men who chase the one he truly loves.

    1. Terria Wright

      This is a beautiful story! I sincerely hope they get back together. It’s powerful when a man finds true love. No other woman should follow after this love! It’s awesome!

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