21 Sep When Life Gets In The Way
I am a 47 year old male, single father of 2, and living in the D.C. area. I retired from the army in 2009. I landed a wonderful job before I retired. Completely new environment and I welcomed it. Shortly after retiring, I met a very nice lady. She is 16 years my junior. It was just your usual office building acquaintance. “Hello”, “how are you”, and so forth. So one day I run into Ms. Nice and I didn’t ask, but said, “Hey, give me your number, I would love to call you”. I did this in a nice way of course, and she obliged. I would call and text her, but she would never pick up or text back. So I figured life goes on.
One day, I see her walking down the street, and I wave at her. She calls me the next day and I seize the opportunity by asking her out to dinner. The conversation, mood, and environment made dinner a complete hit. There was not a quiet moment between us that night. That date led to many more dates. Along the way we found out more about each other. She’s is a single mother and had just finished struggling through a divorce. To me, it all meant one thing; that this is a real woman I can share myself with. I admitted after a while that I had always felt a deep closeness to her. I wanted to make it official but she wasn’t ready. There seemed to have been some misinterpreted communication between us and It left me feeling like I had got played. So we agreed to just continue being friends as we were. The friendship continued in a platonic manner, but I confessed on Cinco de Mayo that I had fallen very deeply in love with her. She was shocked and nonetheless, she would not have any part in it. Having been divorced only a year and enjoying her life as a single woman was enough for her to resist anything more than friendship.
Then all of a sudden the gears changed, and Ms. Nice wanted a monogamous relationship with me. Because the field of men in the DMV is terrible and that she felt I had everything in a man she could ask for. She confessed she loved me, and she wanted to settle down. This was all after drifting apart one year ago, and I believed her. Well along the way, I started having health problems. Also after I confessed to her about my feelings, and realizing she did not share those feelings I accepted that such a difference in age would not be a wise LONG term decision. I’m 47 and she’s 31. Women start to reach their prime (professionally/socially) in their mid 30’s-early 40’s. So that means I would have a new 36 year old wife wanting to have a VERY ACTIVE social life (she is a social butterfly), when I might not be capable of keeping up with this. So adding to that, me developing serious health problems, which are not going anywhere, and have affected my life. They all come from 20+ years in the army. I explained this to her, but it was not seen in that light. It was seen as “Now that I F****d her, I’m done with her, which was 100% untrue. Despite being a very optimistic man, I knew that: 1) both of us being single parents, 2) me being 16 years her senior, and 3) my serious health problems…this was not the best recipe to try to grow a relationship with.
After many very long conversations, this lady agrees that it was not the best decision. She knows I love her deeply and I know she loves me. We remain PLATONIC friends and I do not regret my decision. I would rather know she met and married someone closer to her age and not an older man with pretty serious health problems. I had come to realize that NO MAN had ever rejected her. Why? On top of being truly a wonderful woman (and she truly is a GEM), she is absolutely gorgeous. I mean stop traffic, other woman look at her, men disrespect their woman kind of gorgeous. Any man would want this “EYE CANDY”, and I mean that with no disrespect. I know there are thoughts like “I did not love her”, or I threw away a good woman. All of that is inaccurate. I let go of a GEM. I demonstrated that while we dated, after my heartbreak, and along the way to my decision that I do truly love this woman deeply. There is a degree of pain when we talk, but she cares for me that much more, because she agrees that it would have been pretty hard on her to deal with all the circumstances included…No REGRETS.