16 Oct Cohabitation: Is Living Together Before Being Married Wise To Do
Two people meet, they get to know each other, become a couple, and one day somebody comes up with the bright idea of moving in together. It sounds great to them and they figure why not. They get to be with each other more, get a better idea if this is a person they may want to marry, and many times it can be helpful financially. So what’s all the fuss about? Why does question still seem to be a big issue? Well I think there are two ways to look at this. There is the non-spiritual perspective and the spiritual perspective. Those two perspectives won’t completely line up but here is my take on if you should live together before getting married with both perspectives in mind.
HELL YES! Plain and simple it only makes sense to get a better idea of the person you may consider spending your life with. We all know very well that you can learn a lot more living together than you can when your significant other just spends a weekend at your place. People have discovered some disgusting habits and unbearable behavior after they started living with their boyfriend/girlfriend. Unfortunately people aren’t always keeping it real, and it takes living together to get the reality check you will need before you walk down that aisle. With that said, please understand that I do believe there are some risks involved. If you move in together too soon than people can get too comfortable in the relationship. If a woman is living with a man and providing wife benefits then realize you are taking the chance of decreasing his willingness to take it a step further. He already has all he wants without the higher level of commitment so he may feel it isn’t necessary to worry about marriage even though it is what you are truly hoping and waiting for. Also there is the risk of getting tied to somebody financially that you no longer want to be with. I have seen countless couples who came to recognize this was not the relationship for them but they found themselves stuck due to lease agreements, shared accounts, or simply the financial dependency they created by living together. That is not a situation you want to be in and should make you take pause when moving too quickly to live together.
Well according to many churches and believers in the Bible the answer is you should not live together. You should not be shacking up and it is wrong spiritually. The thing is I can’t seem to find that Bible verse. I have done my research and I have yet to find anything that specifically says living together is a sin or wrong before GOD. I looked around the internet and I can only find examples such as I found on this Christian site that still doesn’t provide scripture that specifically speaks against living together. What the church has done is made the assumption (a very fair one) that sexual relations will be involved in living together. So for those that are concerned with living in sin, the issue is not really your residence it’s that you are having sex before being married. Many times you find people who are engaged in sex relations because they have accepted it as part of the program. Yet they are torn on whether they should live together. Do you see how this is a little off? I am not here to condemn anybody I just want to help show that the positions of the Bible on certain issues are not always being accurately presented. So if doing wrong in the eyes of GOD is your concern, and you somehow can pull off living together without having any sex, then the case could be made that you are not doing anything wrong. On the flip side the case can be made why it is not best to take this step spiritually. You can read some valid arguments for that on “Living Together Without Sex”. You have to be honest with yourself about your situation. You know what boundaries you and your significant other can handle and will struggle with. In my opinion, just understand that worrying about living together in regards to sin when you are already having sex is defeating the purpose in not living together for spiritual reasons.
Personally I wouldn’t suggest living together unless you are already engaged. That decreases the chances of getting stuck with somebody you no longer want to be with, or a person getting too comfortable in the relationship. If you have a spiritual base and you are confused about if this is right before GOD then don’t simply rely on what I or your church has to say. Take the time to talk to GOD yourself and find out what he has to say. Read the bible for yourself, do some praying, and learn to trust your spirit. I can give you my input for days, but who knows better than me or you what you can truly handle and is best for you…GOD. Regardless of if you are non-spiritual or spiritual you have to learn to not follow what everyone else thinks is right or wrong. Many times we know what’s best even when we don’t want to fully embrace it. The choice of living together will come down to your personal beliefs. Just be aware of the good and bad associated with whichever choice you make.