Can You Forgive Someone That Cheated On You?
So you have been with your significant other for (insert time frame). Everything seems to be going well for the most part. You have your good times and naturally you have your rough moments. All in all you are ok with where the relationship currently stands and hope for the relationship to progress and be all you have hoped for it to be.
Then one day you find out that your partner has cheated on you. Maybe there were clues that led up to the official finding. Maybe you had a hunch but just wasn’t sure. Or maybe you never even saw it coming. Either way the fact remains that they have been unfaithful and you are devastated. The person you trusted to honor you in this relationship has betrayed you. They let you down, embarrassed you, and hurt you to your core. How can you recover from the fact that they cheated on you? Can you really get back into a relationship with them and expect that it can be a good, healthy, and successful relationship? Is forgiving them possible when you have to live with something as bad as being cheated on?
YES!…That is correct…yes all of these things are possible, but you have to understand what you are dealing with. First let’s start with forgiving them. You give forgiveness because it is best for you. Holding on to the pain of what has occurred does nothing but create more pain and disappointment moving forward. It eats away at you and whether you realize it or not, it hinders you in your life on a regular basis. Not to mention the fact that we all make poor decisions. This isn’t to minimize the seriousness of being cheated on, but the reality is that we have all done something to hurt others or may not have been in the best interest of another person. Forgiveness is freedom and many people are living in shackles wondering why things don’t get better in their life. When people hold on to negative energy they tend to operate in a negative manner. This will then create negative results. The power is in your hands to forgive and let it go. The quicker you do that, the quicker you can move in a better direction with or without that person.
So just because you forgive a person that cheated on you, that doesn’t mean you need to still be with that person. The reality is that if you’ve been cheated on, then there is an issue in the relationship or with that person. Either way there is an issue that needs to be addressed. Forgiveness is just the first step. Many people get cheated on, then the cheater says I’m sorry, begs to be taken back, and then the person who was cheated on eventually takes them back and tries to “move past it”. Well YOU CAN’T! Not if you aren’t going to sit down and truly discuss why the cheating happened, what may be wrong in the relationship, and how these things will be avoided moving forward. You see what you may realize in that necessary discussion is the things that fed into that person cheating may not be something you can fix or are prepared to fix. If not, taking them back is pointless. Again, should you forgive them? Absolutely, but do not overlook the fact that some situations can be fixed with proper communication while others need to be recognized as a relationship that needs to end. Maybe they aren’t truly ready or serious about the relationship. Maybe there is something that they need from you that has not been provided. Maybe they are still in love with an ex, ran into them, and obviously you know what happened next. No matter what it is, you have to try to talk about it in a calm and receptive manner. Attacking them out of anger (that is why forgiveness is the first step) will only create a situation where an honest and open discussion will be difficult to have. So truly address the issue, then based on that conversation determine if being together is possible and something that can be worked out.
Nobody likes the idea of being cheated on. It sucks and having to face that situation will always be difficult. Do not allow the pain of cheating to cloud your judgment. Always take a step back, remember to forgive, and then properly address/discuss the situation. Proper communication is always a good thing so embrace it even in moments like this. How others view you and your situation should not matter. This is between you and your partner, but do not be foolish to think that blowing up on them and walking away is going to solve anything. Neither will acting like you’re “over it” or trying to ineffectively “move past it”. Take a more positive open-minded approach, and you will get the results that are best for you…even if they aren’t what you had once hoped for them to be.
Stephan Labossiere – has written 103 posts on this site.
is a Certified Life & Relationship Coach, Speaker, and Author of the #1 Best Seller "God Where Is My Boaz" as well as the Award Winning book "How To Get A Woman To Have Sex With You...If You're Her Husband". Stephan is on a mission to help men and women experience happier, healthier, and more fulfilling relationships. He is a highly sought after coach and speaker who has been seen, heard and chronicled in various national and international media outlets. soulmate