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You’re Both Getting Played: When Women Fight Over A Man

women fight over a man

One man, two women, and a just a bunch of drama. We see it all the time. Movies, TV, music, and unfortunately real life. These love triangles where women fight each other are all around you and in my opinion it’s a damn shame. With so much more important things to be worried about many women find themselves more focused on battling with the “other woman“. They will slander her name. Stalk and harass her on social media. Some even go as far as showing up at a woman’s house for a confrontation that can lead to violence. All of this nonsense is going on but they both fail to realize something.

They are both getting PLAYED! These woman are fighting for this man while he sits back and is amused by this battle for his attention. He could care less how this is truly affecting both parties as long as when it’s all said and done he still gets the benefits he desires. These woman will try to lay claim to being the “main chick” but if you’re the “main” then this implies that there are other woman. So does it really make a woman proud that she has a man who blatantly cheats or deals with multiple women as long as he claims she is first on the list? What is even more unfortunate is when the man actually makes it clear to all the women involved that he isn’t interested in a relationship. Yet they still are prepared to go to war with any women that threatens the make-believe relationship they think they have or can one day get. If a woman is truly OK with believing she is the “main chick” then why go after the other women. That other woman owes her nothing. She didn’t agree to be in a relationship with her, he did. She didn’t make him show her less attention because they all happen to be at the same outing, he did that. They didn’t force him to flirt on twitter or any other social media so why is she ready to raise hell and create conflict with her.

Because they are in denial. Rather than accept that maybe this situation/relationship isn’t what they want to believe it is, they would rather displace blame onto that other woman. They would rather fight her and hold her accountable because doing that to the man involved may force them to walk away or feel more embarrassed for staying with him. They don’t want to face the reality that maybe this isn’t truly the best man for them or that he has no intentions on being with them. No it is much easier to assault that other woman’s character then to look in the mirror and be honest with themselves. While they battle each other not only is this man being amused by this drama but he probably is on his way to entertaining more women than they know. Even if one “wins” this battle they still lose in the end. The real issue hasn’t been addressed and the denial continues. Now I know some situations go deeper than this. Sometimes that other girl is really just trying to cause trouble and the man is actually innocent of playing games or cheating. If this is truly the case then he has to handle it. It is not for the woman to have to fight that battle. That man has to put his foot down because the woman he truly wants to be with should not have to deal with or be stressed out by this nonsense.  In many cases a man can handle this situation a lot better than most want to accept.

I know this can be a very difficult situation for a woman to find herself in. I know it is very easy to get mad at the other person or people involved instead of the true offender. A person still has to step back and put things in proper perspective. Minus situations that involve family or best friends, then there is no reason why they only person a woman should be addressing is that man she is dealing with. Just because the other woman knows of you that doesn’t mean anything in my opinion. If you are in a relationship then he is the only one that agreed to be committed to you and he is the only one that broke that commitment. If no relationship is in place then this really should not occur under any circumstances. If you have to fight another woman for a man then it is likely this is not the man for you. Just let it go.

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27 thoughts on “You’re Both Getting Played: When Women Fight Over A Man”

  1. Joelle Paule

    Preach Stephan freaking Preach! And let the church people say AMEN!!!! Oh And I Love the new website 🙂

  2. Excellent Post. I couldn’t have said it any better myself. Women need to wake up as this is a continuous problem. It also happens with the men too. The woman plays them both and like idiots ( for want of a better word) then the men want to kill each other while the woman shirks responsibility.
    I say, don’t play second fiddle to anyone for any reason. See it for what it was and walk. Have enough integrity to get yourself out of that situation as it will only get worse if you allow it to. In fact, you should shake the other person’s hand for highlighting what type of person you was dating.

  3. optimistic in africa

    I agree with you Stephan. I live in Zimbabwe (in Africa)and it is expected and accepted for a man to be sexually involved with other women while he is married. Both wives and girlfriends will have children with him and the only thing stopping him is how much time and money he has available to be with and look after the women and kids. As long as everyone is covered financially and everyone knows their place in the bigger scheme of things every one is happy. The women usually know about each other. Your advice above about avoiding confrontation is exactly what they teach at the traditional bridal showers here except its not an ‘if’ its a ‘when’. “When your man cheats and he will (they say because thats what African men do) don’t ever confront his girlfriend, pretend you don’t know. If she forgets her place and tries to confront you ignore her. Don’t bring yourself to her level by getting caught up in fights or you will lose your man’s respect and make it easier for her to get him”. i.e. you will lose your meal ticket.
    So these women just suffer in silence so they and their children have a roof over their heads. Playing second fiddle is not an option its a necessity. I am not defending or anything, just bringing in a different perspective. There are many reasons women stay with men that are not right for them.

    1. low morals

      The principle there is if you require a meal ticket. In England/America sometimes the women earn far more than the men and they cheat. A woman can be beautiful inside and out, and they still cheat, shall I go on……. My point here is there is no trade off for cheating, those women are pretending and suffering in silence do you think deep down they respect their husband. But its not about what women feel, its about the MAN satisfying his selfish desires & then he will want to kiss his daughters with those same lips and expect them to accept the same standards as their Mothers.(In the western world, this is when you see Dads get way overprotective of their girls:karma) Sick mentality.

  4. Jeff

    Well isn’t this a refreshing article. If you choose to date multiple people you should never introduce one suitor to the other or even discuss the other women or men your dating with your other dates. This only creates problems.

    1. Birdie

      No…you should absolutely be upfront about having other women in your life. Telling a person the truth helps them to make a decision upfront as to whether or not they want to deal with this man who already has a plethora of women in his life. I am caught up in that situation now and am trying my damndest to get away from this habitual liying little boy.

  5. Camp77

    I am currently in a situation like this! I had his baby 2 months ago and his “New Friend” keeps wanting to go toe to toe with me over him! She tries to destroy my character by calling me a “jump off” and I was with him 5 years before he ran scared and ran to her! I don’t want to fight with her I tell her all the time I have no words for you! I talk to him about the baby I have cut communication off with him before the baby was born so they could be happy since he said he “Does not know where the relationship with them is going” ok well I am not going to sit and wait and I went about my business! He told her upfront that I was preganant with his child. I tell her when she gets on the phone and says childish words at her age of 44 that she has nothing to do with the business of the child and stay in her lane. I have talked to him he says do what you have to do since she won’t keep her mouth closed! I feel sorry for her because she just got out of a relationship and got with him and her family says she falls fast and hard. I feel there is no need for her to come at me because I was in the picture before and I will always be in the picture I just want be chasing him so she can just get over it!

  6. Camp77

    I just won’t be chasing after him is what the last line is supposed to say!

  7. Gloria Smith Alston

    Good post! I don't want to be the main chick, got to be the only chick. And yes, the commitment must come from him, she has nothing to do with it.

  8. Stacy

    My take on the whole situation is, if he is truly my man and mine alone then he will give me no reason to fight over him and I will give him no reason to fight over me. If the love and respect is genuine and true, then there is no need to go looking elsewhere. That’s just my opinion.

  9. Lou

    Excellent article. Been in this situation not because I wanted to me because unknown to me at the time I became involved with the man I didn’t know about his on again off again girlfriend. I ended up becoming pregnant (don’t need a lecture on having children out of wedlock, independent women, who has a job that is able to care for a child on her own, it was a blessing even though the situation wasn’t what people in the world consider “normal”) and this girlfriend slandered me, called me everything under the sun, threatened me, and the list goes on. I ignored her and all her name calling. Only time I came involved was when she contacted me, I said what I had to say about the situation and just told her at her age and with her becoming a grandmother she needs to grow up. I’m not fighting over a jerk of man who doesn’t know how to be faithful. He isn’t worthy of the time, energy, nor the words. During one of their break-ups we were working on being friends (nothing more) for the sake of our child, he stopped by my house to see our son, and low and behold she shows up at my door. She then got my number and continuously call me (until I was able to get her blocked) Now that the child is here and she is back in the picture she runs her mouth again. I have asked him out of respect for me to not allow her to be at the house when I pick up my son from him on his days and don’t speak of me to her. He has since respected that. I still just continue to ignore her and if anyone brings her up they are stopped immediately about talking to me about her. If she is crazy enough to put up with his lying cheating ways than she deserves him but leave me and the child out of it. This article was perfect. More women need to learn when to walk away. I refuse to speak to her or fight with over an immature man.

  10. Beverly Victor

    Great post. Very painful issue for me still after 4yrs of him being gone. I keep telling myself they deserve each other, she was married too. We were married 42yrs. I pray every day for God to bring me the husband he wants me to have.

  11. Kathy Tate

    Very true Bev I always said "if another could take him he ain't worth keeping" And God WILL bring you the perfect husband, he did me. The sad part is I almost didn't know it in the beginning, get Judie to tell you about me and David sometime.

  12. Malissa Andrews

    I got played. I thank God for the experience. It made me stronger and wiser. I didn't fight with the young lady but i did talk with her nicely. Honestly until i realize she was deceitful. but I forgive them and I bless them. I Thank THE LORD i'm out. lol. So basically i win right!!!!!! = )

  13. You are absolutely correct…..the man, excuse me, little boy, who created the drama sits back snd watches the drama unfold. His ego is getting feed extra protein for his next conquest. What both women fail to realize is that this man is in player mode. Best advice is to drop this 0 and move on. Women today are far too weak to evoke positive changes for themselves. If you don't stand for something you'll fall for anything.

  14. For some one that's been hurt by women, and used and abused by women, lied and cheeted , I like the idea of my woman fighting for me its flattering and showed me I'm worth something other then being an atm , a shoulder or strong back to do all the work always doing what's needed and required of me being the man will she just enjoys the fruit of everything. So I say yes show me I matter to you that I mean some things because your words are cheek and I have put anough blood sweet and tears now its yours so I say let them fight it out show me you care…. Thank you

    1. cheek

      that’s were you are wrong, they are not fighting for you they are fighting for their own self esteem. It’s an attack on the other women, silent pride. Decent women done lose respect for a man that would put them in that situation in the first place.

  15. Kari White

    I agree. I don’t understand why women fight over a man. If you got drama from the jump, it’s a red flag and you probably ought to step back and re-evaluate and put the breaks on the excitement because it probably won’t end up “happily ever afer”. No one is going to win with a man who has women creating drama with each other. He is NO prize. Almost 100% of the time, the man IS the reason for the drama, but will lie, sit back and watch the show and enjoy it. Women who are insecure and feel like they “need” a man usually end up in this kind of scenario and they look desperate and foolish. They are just happy to be getting attention from someone and are in serious denial. Instead of bashing the other women, blaming the other women – they should take a look at the “common denominator” – the MAN. LOL I’ve been there before…but I learned to pay attention to the red flags and value who I am.

  16. I agree. I don't understand why women fight over a man. If you got drama from the jump, it's a red flag and you probably ought to step back and re-evaluate and put the breaks on the excitement because it probably won't end up "happily ever afer". No one is going to win with a man who has women creating drama with each other. He is NO prize. Almost 100% of the time, the man IS the reason for the drama, but will lie, sit back and watch the show and enjoy it. Women who are insecure and feel like they "need" a man usually end up in this kind of scenario and they look desperate and foolish. They are just happy to be getting attention from someone and are in serious denial. Instead of bashing the other women, blaming the other women – they should take a look at the "common denominator" – the MAN. LOL I've been there before…but I learned to pay attention to the red flags and value who I am.

  17. shyla

    Well said Kari. I absolutely think it’s a shame if these women let it drag out and think he will one day change. (When he most likely wont)

  18. DevineLunacy

    I’ve found myself in a situation that is similar but absolutely different. I’m a man who has two women, who are best freinds, fighting over me and none of it makes sense because they (both women ) are in serious relationships with there significant others. No intimate relations going on with myself and either women. Blows my mind. Any ideas? Please contact me.

  19. My ex husband cheated on me with a friend of mine. At first I called her names. Then realized they deserved each other

  20. Ms Jay

    You know, after all the deaths that have occurred due to a man cheating you would think that something as basic as wanting to live and valuing your life would make it easy to walk out. People are stirring up lunatics and lives are being lost. How many more stories of the woman who got pregnant and killed so the “main chick” wouldn’t find out has to happen? How many more women have to have their hair plucked out, their bodies burned by flames or acid, or their faces cut (cause you know jealous people always try to destroy your looks) before it stops? How many stories of the side chick murdering the main chick because they were lied to so much they developed an “everything would be perfect if she were out of the picture” attitude has to happen before cheating loses its allure? What’s fun about having to face death, disfiguration or beatings? Does a law need to be enacted that holds the instigator (if it is discovered they lied and pitted two unknowing people against each other resulting in someone’s demise) equally accountable before it all stops? Some people are just a glutton for punishment. Whenever I found out, I always walked away, called the police and filed a report against them both. Anyone crazy enough to contact me looking for a confrontation deserves to have a restraining order out on them and it’s no coincidence that they got your number so the person deserves a restraining order too. If you didn’t have a record before, you have one now once you make contact with me. I don’t play with my life. These crazy individuals will actually walk around with their chests puffed out as if someone dying over them is a good thing.

  21. Jenny

    I got played my self ..Been there and its so painful. I believed in something and someone who wasnt that person I thou he is. Lies and cheating ..always another woman …
    constantly felt like I have to prove something to my self and to him …Crazy?????? No I wasnt ..and never been !My heart still in pieces after 1 1/2r when he already moved on very happily with another 2 women getting played again.Wondering if that makes someone happy that they hurt someone else !? I learned that some people are just selfish from the nature,they dont care how does this affects you …how much they destroy you ….People say u will end up stronger and wiser ..hmmmmm!!!!! With scarf on my heart forever! I changed ..I know I did …sometines I dont like the person I become …but inside I still feel like It wasnt planned and It defenetly wasnt nesseseary….anyhow I wish him well …and hope that one day he will experience the same as he done to others!!!

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