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Posted by on Apr 9, 2012 in Real Stories | 127 comments Tags: , , , ,

Why I Go Through His Phone

going through his phone

Guest Post by Only One Heaven: Before I start this post, I want to say that what works for one person may not work for another. This is my spin on things… I’m entitled to express what works for me and you’re untitled to disagree…. Are we clear? Good… Here I go.

So….. I think it’s ok to go through your companion’s phone. Not because you feel like they are cheating or you don’t trust them….. but sometimes…. you’re just curious. I know I am. I’m not dumb, naïve, insecure, envious or possessive. I know that my husband is capable of cheating just like every other human on the planet. But I don’t go through his phone expecting to find some dirt. I do it because I’m curious and nosey… that’s it.

How often do I check? There is no set schedule. Sometimes I check it once a month and then I will go six months without even touching his phone. I can honestly say the last time I went through his phone it was about four months ago. I check it when something in me tells me to do so. Something called intuition and instincts that I follow each and every time. So if my intuition tells me to check three times next week, guess what… I’m checking. I’m sorry but I’m not going to ignore my womanly intuition. And I don’t even do it behind his back…. Sometimes I will go through his phone while we are sitting right on the sofa watching TV. Of course he doesn’t like it…. but oh well! That’s not going to stop me.

Long before we got married, a pastor once told us that when you are in a committed, healthy, monogamous relationship, there is no reason why you should have lock codes on your phone. There should be no reason why you can’t leave your phone in the living room while you use the restroom. Your personal phone shouldn’t be something that you have to hide from your companion. And if you do, there might be a problem.

The pastor also said that your companion should also be able to answer your cell phone anytime you are not available to. Now I don’t answer my husband’s cell phone when it rings, but I wouldn’t have a problem doing so if I needed to. I figure that at this point we have been together eight years and married for three… EVERYONE that he knows should know that he has a wife, right?? But still, I’m not going to answer his phone… but I definitely wouldn’t hesitate to if my intuition told me to do so.

And this isn’t just a nosey black woman thing either. There have been times where I’ve gone to take a shower and left my cell phone in the room with the light flashing (indicating that I had a message). When I came out the shower, the message wasn’t checked, but the light wasn’t flashing either…. Which let me know that he went through my phone.

And I ask him straight up, “Did you go through my phone?”

He keeps his eyes on the TV, “Yup.”

“Did you find what you were looking for?”

“I wasn’t looking for anything.”

“Then why did you go through it?”

“I don’t know.”

I really got a kick out of his response. Because this let me know that he is equally curious and just as nosey as I am. I didn’t feel violated or worried at all. (Especially because I know there was nothing in my phone for him to trip about.) I felt like we were on the same page… as if we have an understanding with one another. The understanding is that we’re not a paranoid, insecure, pessimistic, jealous couple that constantly needs to check up on each other. We are a happily married couple that knows that sometimes, people change and s**t happens… And sometimes it happens right underneath your nose.

The older we get… the longer we are together… the deeper we fall in love… the stronger our bond grows. This will probably translate into us checking on one another less,  but the older we get, the stronger our intuition will be too. Although I trust my husband, I will always trust my intuition a little more and pay attention to my gut feeling.

To sum it all up, although we love each other and we trust and respect each other, we can’t help but to also be curious. We’re nosey. We wonder. We’re human.

Be honest… Do YOU go through your mates phone? I know I can’t be the only one that’s willing to admit it…

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Related Article: Why You Should NOT Go Through Your Man’s Phone

About OnlyOneHeaven
You can catch Heaven raising hell on her personal blog at Make sure to also follow her on Twitter and Facebook.


  1. This is the best quest post so far. Yes I did go through my ex husband’s phone because I got that woman intuition and the gut never lie, and what do you know he was cheating.

  2. As a man, I got that same gut feeling and low and behold, she reached out to someone who she had an affair with many years ago, a fellow service member and just because it was 11 years ago and we have gotten so much closer, I am supposed to be okay with that. I really dont think so… It has been a lie for many years that I had refused to keep on living!

    • That is unfortunate that she chose to cross that line, and hold on to that lie for many years. I completely understand your position but I feel compelled to tell you to reconsider walking away or holding on to this pain. I in no way want to minimize the severity of her actions but we all make mistakes. If your relationship had truly gotten to a place where you felt happy, fulfilled, and in the right place then consider not throwing that away. Regardless of what your decision will be, I encourage you forgiving her. It does not mean you condone her actions, but forgiveness is necessary for you to be able to move in the right direction and into a better place for yourself. 

  3. Indeed we are all human and possess that natural instinct to survive and protect ourselves, but sometimes being nosy is just an excuse for paranoia and insecurity. As much as one may deny it, that nosiness can be synonymous with lack of trust. Regardless, when things start to go wrong in a relationship, its best to try to discover the source(s) and fix it/them. If you fail to find the source or if your companion won’t open up making it difficult for you to resolve the problem, then you have to do so through other means. Normally these can be clear warning signs indicating that you may find something that completely crushes you and the trust between you and your companion. Sometimes what you don’t know can’t hurt you, but the age old philosophy is that everything that is in darkness shall come to light, much like the scenario mentioned by Devil Dog 1775.

    • Excellent comment Phermyaphrost, I could not have said it any better.

  4. I go through his phone though he get pissed each time i check, but I don’t give a fuck! atleast that’s how i found out he was cheating.

    • Are you still with him and did finding that out cause you to leave him?

  5. No, I can honestly say that I have never gone through my boyfriend’s phone.  I have never felt compelled to do so in the past, nor do I feel the need to do it now.  That may change in the future, but I don’t think so.  I have good intuition, but I’m not nosy…never have been.  I’m not even sure if it’s my inherent lack of nosiness…maybe it’s the fact that I just trust him. If the relationship is worth having there has to be trust.  Bottom line.

    That being said, I whole-heartedly expect reciprocity.  He should trust me enough to not go through my phone either.  I usually don’t have anything to hide…except when I do.  For example, my calendar/to do list is on my phone — if he had chosen to go through my phone then he would have found out about a surprise that I was planning.  That would have been unfortunate.

  6. So…if a woman’s “intuition” tells her to check her man’s phone and she finds NOTHING, was that really intuition? Smh

    • Great point Rog2199. I would love to see how the women respond to that question.

    • Then the woman feels good about finding nothing…unless buddy is just good at constantly deleting his phone info of course… But if he isn’t doing any dirt, on to regularly scheduled programming…

    • its not always intution that makes you check your mans phone…sometime we are just being nosey…and why the hell should you care if the phone is getting check if you have nothing to hide

    • it was our intuition that told us to check the phone the last time we found something…the reason why we didnt find nothing this time is b/c you enrased that shit b4 we could get to it..smh rog2199 post of a cheater

      • That doesn’t mean anything. She never found anything but still checks. Obviously she is more than nosey if she goes check his messages

      • so when you dont find nothing/what your looking for, u are still upset because you think he is still guilty because he “must have erased it b4 u could get to it”…..your accusing him of something you have no proof of. you go through his phone and find nothing and are still mad….YOU ARE INSECURE!

    • Exactly! She contradicted herself. That’s not woman’s intuition because she never found anything
      That’s insecurity and insanity.

    • Just because she didn’t find anything in his phone doesn’t mean it isn’t there. . Womens intuition existed way before the invention of cell phones. Keep looking ladies!. :)

  7. Well with me I went thru my sister phone n found out about her n the guy I ws dating 8yrs. They continue to lie but I never had proof. Well recenlty. I took pictures of the texts n sent it to both of dem. Sometimes u now! Myself I knew bcuz they way he acted as well as her n the pain for me is hard to bear. Two ppl I loved more than anything betrayed me n I don’t know how to handle d pain, bcuz not its hard to trust I forgive dem but now I’m forever stuck with this pain

    • That is unfortunate that you had to experience that and I completely understand your pain and disappointment. I don’t know enough of the story to say much but I can tell you that you  are not stuck with this pain forever. If you allow that to happen then you will block the blessings that are waiting for you on the other side of this situation. I say “allow” because the choice is yours to hold on to this pain, or to let go. I know that is easier said then done, but it also does not have to be as hard as you think. What they did to you is not a reflection on you, but on them and the issues they need to resolve within themselves. Pray for the strength to truly forgive them because as human beings we have all done things that may not have been the best. You don’t have to learn to trust them, just learn to trust GOD and that will take care of the rest. 

  8. I think it is a violation of privacy just like reading your spouses mail. I have 4 daughters who constantly go through my things and my phone is my personal property and it should not be violated, married or not. In my opinion the only time a person feels the need to go through their spouses phone is when they have a “feeling” about something. Its sad that couples do not hold on to their individuality anymore.  

  9. I couldnt have said it better….this has been my thought process for awhile! I feel that this should only matter in a serious committed relationship. If your husband/BF, wife/GF is honest from the beginning and lets you know if there is anything going on then the results of you going through a phone..should be exactly what you expect…If not then of course, its the obvious, you have a problem, why wasite your time? I totally agree with this post….MY OPINION

  10. This is soooo good and soooo true. Nice way to explain it!

  11. I think being able to look into your companion’s phone / his things in general, without having to hide or making it seem like you doing something forbidden helps built the trust. Women constantly feel the need to be reassured they’re the only one in their man’s life and this is no matter how much he says “I love you” we want the facts, to acknowledge it on our own sometimes. I personally haven’t done it in the past but also believe I haven’t met the person that will understand where I’m coming from by doing it to. Only time will tell!

  12. Great post about keeping it real. Truth be told there is no right or wrong in this scenario. Obviously her husband has no issues with it and GETS HER curiosity. I would however, sit down with my spouse before going through their phone just so they know where I am coming from. Open dialogue about why, whether from curiosity or insecurity should be discussed so the other person will understand that it is not about them being untrustworthy, its about self seeking to gratify the little voice inside. Marriage is honorable, great, and yes it has it’s ups & downs so hold on for the ride!!

  13. I go thru my boyfriends phone. and idc guys are sneaky so if I need to know ehat goes on in his phone im gonna go thru idc what anybody has to say. If it takes me goin thru your phone to helps me trust you then I dont see nothin wrong with that

  14. I do. And I tell him that I do. He does the same!  Why?  Just because I feel like it!  I don’t expect to find anything incriminating at all. If I thought there was dirt in his phone (or his inbox) I would be much more nervous to check it. But since I know it is clean, I feel free to peruse.

  15. ima a dude and i can feel u on this …..i went from having alot of women to just her and wen i get gut feeling i check lol

  16. This proves nothing except that he may have a burner phone.

  17. I thought I was the only one who went through their other half phone for no reason at all. My husband does the same thing too. Its cool as long as I don’t run across no nonsense.

  18. Woman’s intuition hasn’t failed me yet

    • Neither has mine! Neither has mine.

  19. To me, it is really cool when a man voluntarily GIVES you access, rather than just taking it. That speaks volumes about the LADY.

    • Now that right there is how I feel it should be done. 

  20. heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeelllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll noooooooooooooooooooooooooo, til she pay my bill she better not touch my damn phone

    • lmao!!!

    • LMAO!!!!

  21. you’re pathetic…

  22. I don’t need to look at my man phone and he better not look at my phone!!!!!! I never been that girl to look at a guy phone!! Lady look what in the dark will come to light. DUH! Your man might have a side phone anyway lmao

  23. This is a clear example of people wanting ownership and not love. Our insecurities makes us want to own. I don’t have anything to hide from my mate but if you privately go in my phone when I leave the room then you are the one that can’t be trusted. Why be sneaky? Probably because you aee everybody as yourself. Its a violation in my opinion and it feels horrible when someone goes through my things without my permission. Love is not ownership. If a person is gonna do something they are gonna do it regardless.

    • She clearly said he knows she goes through his phone, where is she being sneaky ?? Lolz. Some girls, I totally agree. But not this one. If she does it when she’s sitting right next to him, I think that takes the sneak factor completely out of it, she has his permission. This is not a good example of the type of situation you’re describing.

  24. I did that a few times. Nothing was discovered until I found out he had a back up phone one day when I came home early and he forgot to put it back in its hiding place!! Lol now we are separated. He was into some nasty stuff! For my safety I split

  25. My ex-husband gave me his email password after a year of dating and 2 years later we got married. I probably checked it once or twice in the 4 years we were together. The last year I felt he wasn’t telling me everything and thought it REALLY weird that his friends husband kept asking me if I was ok. I couldn’t sleep one night while on vacation to his hometown and went into the bathroom and logged on to his email to find he was having an affair with his friend. His friends husband knew all about it and was making sure I was doing ok. Ultimately I found everything I needed from his email and his friends husband and NOT from my ex-husband…sad to say he wasn’t a man for that fact. His friends mother emailed him and told him how she feels it’s SO wrong for “people to violate others privacy.” I wasn’t just a regular person on the street I was his wife. After getting back home I started checking his phone after him saying he wanted to work it out with me…I found 1 thing in a month until I got the phone bill and saw all the calls and how long they were-all that time he deleted everything before coming home. My ex-husband was just using myself and my family until he got the money to leave and move back home across the country…which took him longer once I found out. AZ is a community property state:) We went to counseling and my pastor said the same thing about spouses should have all passwords. If you have nothing to hide-why not? If you don’t share or allow/like them to look then something is wrong. My ex-husband had all my information and I didn’t care-I have nothing to hide. My pastor said I did nothing wrong in going in his email or phone. I agree with this post:)

  26. I feel this article 110%!!! Although I went thru my man’s phone for more reasons than just being nosey; I still checked if often nonetheless.  When you look for things; you find them, however you have to be prepared for what you may find.  I was always questioned why I couldn’t give 100% in the relationship. Perhaps it was the messages from random females, but the fact is, if he couldn’t keep it 100 with me; checking his phone kept my love at bay.  It protected me for fall so head over heels in love and be so open meanwhile, he’s not even being truthful…So I say to all my nosey women out there, keep checking, until you are secure enough in your relationship that you don’t have to check or you check less often.

  27. I rarely go through it… But when I do I tend to find something I dont like or agree with…

    • That doesn’t sound good

  28. IF you really want to know what going on. Pray!! God see it all and in strange ways he will give you your answer..Thats the best PI I know…lol

    • Most definitely!

  29. Seriously, why go through all that trouble, its a waste of energy. Trust me! What’s in the dark always comes to the light…In the meant time, Live and be happy because life is too short.

  30. I’m afraid so. It’s usually not good. You go looking, you usually find.

  31. Im 35; married 13 years; cheated n been cheated on; with the understanding that I got married to stay married to one man for life please understand this; yes yes n yes I check his phone n he checks mines, whenever where ever and around who ever. To me it’s just a little gesture of realizing that at least with our cell phones we trust each other. You may not agree with my post if you are not married (if you do not have a covenant). Being Married n locking phones, vm, brief cases, banks codes don’t coincide with the word COVENANT!! two become one… Notice I didn’t say a perfect ONE but a ONE non the less.

  32. Im 35; married 13 years; cheated n been cheated on; with the understanding that I got married to stay married to one man for life please understand this; yes yes n yes I check his phone n he checks mines, whenever where ever and around who ever. To me it’s just a little gesture of realizing that at least with our cell phones we trust each other. You may not agree with my post if you are not married (if you do not have a covenant). Being Married n locking phones, vm, brief cases

  33. Yes I do. As a matter of fact, I did so last night. I check his phone for confirmation. In the event his behavior changes, I check his phone to see what he’s been up to. *shrugs* Jealous, insecure or whatever, I have a right to know about the things that are causing behavioral changes in him. Especially those that directly influence our marriage.

  34. I haven’t except for one guy. But I knew he was cheating, and he always went thru my phone and wouldn’t admit it. When I did, I told him right after!! And guess what, everything I thought, plus more was true!! He was only guy I did that to, and he started it in first place. And I left him

  35. I’m a baby techie…so I’m glued to my phone at times…its like a mini entertainment station. So, for myself…I’m so in love with my own phone…I don’t bother to look at another’s. Unless…my spidey senses tell me something is wrong. In my case there was. My ex was receiving inappropriate photos from an admirer…which I previously told him to set straight. Once I saw that he was still receiving pictures and texting her…I let him go. Luckily, we didn’t live together.

  36. This is something I never did…

  37. I busted my man talking to girls while I was AT WORK helping to pay OuR bills and put food on OUR table….. I listened to my gut instinct that he was doing dirt and BiNGO the dirty dog was….. if you are in a committed relationship I believe you should be able to go through his phone for ANY reason….

  38. Oh hell no.  “To sum it all up, although we love each other and we trust and respect each other, we can’t help but to also be curious. We’re nosey. We wonder. We’re human.”

    There is NEVER any need to check someone’s phone, and if there is? Then you don’t need to be in that relationship PERIOD, as there is no trust.  As a WOMAN, I’ve never ONCE had the urge to go through someone’s phone that I was dating, lived with, engaged to, OR married.  

    BECAUSE, and I 
    +1,000,000,000,000,000 the comment listed below, “That’s insecurity and insanity.” FOR REAL.

  39. Oh hell no.  “To sum it all up, although we love each other and we trust and respect each other, we can’t help but to also be curious. We’re nosey. We wonder. We’re human.” 

    There is NEVER any need to check someone’s phone, and if there is? Then you don’t need to be in that relationship PERIOD, as there is no trust.  As a WOMAN, I’ve never ONCE had the urge to go through someone’s phone that I was dating, lived with, engaged to, OR married.  
    BECAUSE, and I  +1,000,000,000,000,000 the comment listed below, “That’s insecurity and insanity.” FOR REAL.

    • my father texts me back from my mothers phone, and my mother will do the same from his phone. They will openly lend eachother their phones when they need to. The ones who HATE the idea of having their phone looked at, are usually the ones trying to hide something. I have a pattern lock on my phone. My husband knows it. I have his password lock for his phone. The only reason they are locked? We have curious kids who like to make phone calls. I’ve given him my phone when his was dead on days he was driving in dangerous weather. I have NOTHING to hide, but like the idea that I can get ahold of him when I need to.

      Trust is being able to openly hand eachother a private piece of us, and KNOWING they won’t find anything even if they looked. If you have nothing to hide, there is NO NEED to be defensive over something so DUMB!

  40. A phone should not be treated as some sort of diary. Its a form of communication. In the days of a house phone and answering machine people didn’t treat those like diaries. Your reflects your integrity so what is in it should not be any hidden secret. If you get angry when someone checks your phone then keep it protected at all times, but if you do this then don’t get upset when your significant other starts thinking you have something to hide. My phone gets misplaced all the time in my house and at no time am I worried about who finds it before I do. My five year old plays on it, and my bf can use it if his is dead or lost or just because. 

  41. i do it if i feel like theres a reason to.. and  do it right infront of him 

  42. I go through my boyfriends phone just cause i’m curious.. not even to see if he’s cheating just to see what’s on his mind.. i mostly like to read our messages from each other, which ones he locks and which ones are still there and which pictures are still there… idk… he goes through my phone too….same reasons..

  43. My whole thing is if you feel like you can go through your mans phone why sneak. If you go through his phone and find something you’re going to confront him, if u don’t find anything you won’t even tell him you went through his phone. That’s not trust that’s manipulation

  44. this blog is dumb as hell , i wouldn’t check my girls phone if i wasn’t jealous or possessive or suspicious of her character …the intuition you are talking about is called ur trust issues..  and if you really love your husband why would you want to piss him off by checking his phone , you said it yourself “Of course he doesn’t like it…. but oh well! That’s not going to stop me.” …sadly checking phones is normal in most relationships but that doesn’t mean it should be glorified.

  45. The most important point about this post is that both partner’s know their phone may get checked.

    This won’t work for most couples because there is probably a large lack of communication in the relationship. One person is checking because they are looking for information their partner isn’t willing to offer.

    If you are checking your partner’s phone and hiding the action, it’s a breach of trust. 

    When you check your partner’s phone and your partner knows and doesn’t mind, it’s an act of trust.

  46. I dont have time for that. If I feel like I need to check your phone I don’t need to be in your face. I have a life to live. I’m not knocking any woman that does it. Been there done that and it’s old. I have $$ to make.

  47. Yeah I go through my man’s phone and he goes through mine too. No problems except for I have a facebook so he does question me about random men messaging me heir phone numbers and what not [thirsty fools) there’s pictures of me and my man all over it so what do yu look like messaging me your number haha. But he knows that if I was to persue another man he’d notice. We’re too close not too. And I don’t worry about it bc everytime I’m in his phon he’s right next to me and never says a thing. I love him :)

  48. If you go through my phone, even though I have nothing to hide them you are sneaky, have trust issues, and disrespectful. If I have to do this to do, then you are not the woman for me.

  49. some women walk in the toilet together to powder their nose and all that.. guys dont needa escort each other.. not because we are hiding anything, but because, generally, we have different concepts of privacy.. there is nothing on my phone, and i allow anyone to go through my pics and messages, esp my girlfriend, ONLY after i ask her why she or they want to.. nothing to hide, but i find it rude if you dont get permission first.. nosey or not doesnt make a difference to me.. and thats why some people wont let you go thru their phone.. not because they are hiding, but because they feel dosrespected.. disclaimer: cheaters are not covered by this comment..

  50. An individuak can say random curiousity caused then to check a phone. But, it has to be something deeper. Maybe a prior bad relationship, not enpugh trust, etc. No one is perfect and if it doesn’t cause an issue, why worry.

  51. i think it is perfectky healthy for a couple to be able to go through each others phone. f a party is doingt bc they feel they are being cheated on then thats an entirely different issue and probably only done bc one of the party is making the other feel as though they are hiding something and thats never a good feeling… however for a couple to be happy in their relationship especially marriage they should both have no worries as to what the other finds in their phone .. when ur married ur supposed to be one.. so if your doing something that you dont want your mate to find then thats the problem.. not the person finding out what your doing! 

  52. Lol! I liked learning about this perspective, but I wonder if she knows that many men have two separate phones and they may hide another phone elsewhere as the “backup phone”! Lmao! Keep digging sister!

  53. I go through his phone when i need an excuse to leave

  54. Nope because i know hes a player and I dont go looking for trouble just to hurt myself emotionally

  55. I would never date or get married to a woman like this. Everyone needs their privacy and it may not be cheating that I don’t wont you to see it might be me have a private convo with a friend or family member that didn’t give me the ok to tell you about it. Trust is a big part of a relation ship and no matter how a person man or woman try to make there self feel better about doing things like this its just there insecurities. But that’s just my opinion.

  56. To b honest…if u r checking on the regular there is an obvious streak of insecurity and controlling issues. I believe that both parties should be open to going through each others phones if a question surfaces, but doing it all the time is not healthy. Its obvious that this womans relationship is a comfortable one based on their reactions n communication level. I been on both sides of the field, it takes nothing but that delete button. So the phone checking is cool, but the root of the relationship problems doesn’t stem from a text.

  57. First, I’d like to say that I know that I’m really late on this post lol. And I’ll be honest, I’m young and by young I mean I’m really young compared to everyone and haven’t had
    in the least a sliver in the amount of dating experience as the adults. With me just turning 18.
    But at the same time wouldn’t it be better to ask or at least let the significant other know that, ” Hey! I’m going to check something that I’m probably not paying the bill for?” With myself and my girlfriend of 3(going on 4) years that’s how we do and until we separate will do.
    I trust her and she trusts me, heck, she has my passwords to my cell, e-mail and social networking sites. The only thing she doesn’t have are my bank codes and my social! lol

  58. maybe a nigga just like his privacy.

  59. You are a garbage human being. You never have the right, clean and simple, every time you do, you’re betraying and acting like scum.

  60. That's some BS! At the moment I find out a woman went through my phone, that's the last day of that relationship. Especially when she finds Nothing!

  61. Chef Brown I understand your feelings but also understand that every man is not trust worty and that goes for women to but I think it depends on your relationship.

  62. Chef Jerome Brown I hear you on this one, the fact is, regardless of what either partner thinks or suspects they should speak to one another. Mutual respect PERIOD! If you feel the need to go through someone's personal things there is a bigger problem at stake.

  63. My husband told me many moons ago If I go looking for something Ill find it. Go figure I looked for the pot of gold at the end of rainbows and I haven't seen it. Cheaters don't have dirt on the at home cell phone no way…..there is always a work phone or another cell. Chef Brown what happens if she finds something, do you stay together? What person if they are sneaking around is going to admit to it without you having proof/hey proof doesn't matter either. They will swear up and down it wasn't them. I think its a matter of following your heart/intuition. Why stress yourself out about it….In your heart God has already told you what is going on. Never lose sight of yourself in a relationship, use protection and if you not being loved the way you want…..keep it moving.. Cheating is so becoming the norm but I guess nothing is new under the sun.

  64. Interesting, to be honest I'm in the minority here. If the woman I'm with, whether we started dating or have been together for years goes through my phone, I really wouldn't mind, even if she answers my phone. Main reason, " I respect myself and know what type of person I want to be at the end of each day". If you can respect yourself, you can give respect to others, especially your significant other. Sometimes you will feel disrespected in a relationship, and you will either act as an mature adult or weak minded child. Like I said I may be in the minority here, yet I have lived through this and similiar types of scenarios where I have not proceeded in an adult fashion. But as I stated, you know what type of person you want to be when the chips fall. I demand respect, through respect comes trust which leads to peace of mind.

  65. I went through my man’s phone and found that he had been looking at some pictures on a site called smoking hot selfies. I have not spoke to him about it partially because I want to see if it continues and partially because he will be upset that I was snooping. My question is what to do? I feel hurt that he was looking at sexy pictures of other women. He says he loves me and to trust him but if he is looking at other women, does he not appreciate me? I want to be the only woman he wants to look at. Is this considered cheating? It’s definitely not something he would do in front of me. These aren’t women he has any contact with but it’s just the fact that he was looking at them… Stephan, what do you think?

  66. Thanks for that lol yes I'm nosey as he'll too lol… actually my man started looking through my phone first n so now we both do it from time to time. ,)

  67. Unless you are married to that person you can go through that phone especially if you are the one paying the bills,but dating there are red flags you can't ignore such as them looking at there phone every 2 seconds. And interruptions.

  68. My dude still locks that phone and I'm positive that if I ever answered it that would be the end of my relationship…. Lol

  69. You go through his phone because you can…. it goes hand in hand with certain other privileges… hahahaha

  70. Yes I do check my man phone right in front of him n he don't care cuz he has nothing to hide n neither do I

  71. Sounds alright to me!

  72. If u not hiding anything what's the big deal???? This aggravates the s#*t outta me! I went through my exs phone while he was sleeping & low & behold found all sorts of other women he was entertaining. We broke up. Men or women: If u can't look through their phone, their a dog & disrespecting you!

  73. I agree & I do the same also…..

  74. I’m with your pastor. I know a lot of women jump on the “secure” bandwagon, and that’s okay. If they’re that ‘secure’ in their trust in their man- I’m happy for them. But MY GOD said trust NO MAN! (male or female).
    Soooo, you’re all secure in your man that you don’t question his actions, whereabouts, you don’t check his phone, etc- so what happens if that ‘security’ lands you in the hospital, or worse dead- because he indeed was hiding something, but you with your ‘secure’ behind didn’t have a clue- or worse you did, your womanly intuition kicked in- but you didn’t want to appear anything undesirable as say ‘insecure’. What then???
    Well, anyone that wants that can have that. When what God blessed me with starts tingling all over the place and punching me in my gut like there is no tomorrow- best believe I’m about to start ‘snooping’. Hopefully it’s a false warning and I don’t have to snoop- that me sharing with him my feelings doesn’t provoke a defensive attitude in him, and he willingly and gladly helps me alleviate my ‘concerns’. So what if it turned out to be nothing that time??? IT’S THERE FOR A PURPOSE, OR GOD WOULD NOT HAVE ENDOWED YOU WITH IT. SO INSECURE, INSANE, WHATEVER..IT’S MY LIFE I’M THINKING ABOUT.

  75. If you're gonna constantly search through your partners phone in a "happy" marriage, then you might as well use condoms in your marriage too!

    At least if you do find something you know you've been protected.

  76. I am so happy with this. A lot of it is how I feel and I feel better, a lot better, knowing that someone feels similar to me.

  77. I have went through my boyfriend of 6 years phone/Facebook and every time I have…..I have been hurt to the core! If you go looking for something you will find it….He has always said that he’s not doing anything but come to find out (on Christmas no less) that he was trying to hook up with numerous females! Should we stay together? Should we just let it all end? That’s still up for debate but at this point our kids and I live in our own home away from him. We are trying to work things out but I have NO trust in him and don’t know if I can get past this AGAIN! But his phone is locked all the time and hidden for sure now. So I know I will always have doubt that he is faithful to me so at the end of the day he is free to do him and I will be fine with our kids and not having to worry about what he is doing

  78. Yup I've done it. That intuition guided me and it was for the better. There was a lot of things I needed to know. Truth needed to be found. It has definitely made me back off from a relationship that currently is going nowhere because of his "thing" or should I say "things" that he does. He's aware that I know the mess he is in. And he's also aware I will not accept a man who will live a life that way.

  79. I love this woman, I also do it wen my gut tells me to I once woke up from a dream n I was dreaming going through my hubby's phone n I found some nasty SMS n I woke up same time n check his phone

  80. That means he have something to hide. I know from experience.

  81. I am married and my husband does the same he feels the need to put locks on everything. He calls me insecure because I tell him it pisses me off. I don't mind him knowing all my passwords because I have nothing to hide. Some men will just put any excuse in the world on why there wife shouldn't have there password either it be facebook or his phone. That just causes more fuel to the fire I say. Don't make a woman feel like there suppose to worry about stuff especially if a man cant even give the respect to his own wife to trust her with that information. Smells like bullshit to me. If there is nothing to hide then why does it have to be a secret.

  82. There is a middle eastern saying: trust your neighbor but tie up your camel.

  83. I never have anything to hide but i feel that if im the one paying the bill for my phone what gives you the right to go through it without asking. ask me first and i wil let you.

  84. No I don't go through my mates phone and regardless of how secure a person says they are they are not. There was some strange things in the post. 1 If he looks through her phone why would it bother him for her to do the same thing that's odd. 2 The Pastor said to be able to answer and there should be no need for locks. He didn't say it was okay to violate trust or a persons privacy.

  85. Ur Better Than Me Bcuz Not Only Do I Go Thru My Mans Phone But I've Got No Problem Answering It Either! And Ur Right Its Not A Black Girl Thing Either Bcuz While My Man Is Black I'm A Lily White Girl! LOL

  86. Some time it's knowing each other past history that can cause some trust issues, even if you are happily marred now.

  87. I jst love this post.. I do and i agree on everythin you said, nd geuss what mine has for ever going through it use it ext, bt lately when he got his phone i jst knew its gonna change nd yes it did. The last week ever since he told me bouth this pasient of his @ hosp, i wattsapp the nr and to my suprise she give me all attitude nd sayin that oh are you the Ex! she heard alot of me. Nd even cursing nd threathing me. So now i open a civial case nd still im terrified nd confused of all the implicastions its gonna have, and i want a protection order am i being childish imature nd nothing bt a lady when i need to act, course im hurt nd verry heartbroken nd confuse.

  88. I do.. I'm curious, at times, it's an intuition thing!

  89. I really like the way she put…she was honest & so we're he…whatever eorkd for you…I dont blame her they don't tske each other for granted…good:)

  90. Yes we go through each other's phone and phones are always left out and pass code is shared. Its no biggie and lol I am nosey

  91. my view and opinion on this one . im in a long distance relationship. with a woman that has been married two times . one took her to the cleaners . and the other just left her. when I ment this woman I gave her every right to go through what ever she wanted to go through any time she wanted to go through it . e-mail. text phone . Facebook . what ever .i even gave her an open invitation into my life or what every I was doing any time. but every little thing that seemed out of place to her .was maid such a big deal of. out of i, , , t was what she thought it was no matter what !. it got so bad that it came to the point i had to call people to let them tell her what it was all about. and she still would believe what ever she through it was. i had to ask her to stop. she still dose it. and still find things that she beleaves are infidelities , but she is an executive for a f-5000 company . and has a whole nother life away from me. and home. , but i know that their is a god and if its something for me to see or find out she would slip up or god would show it to me he always dose ,,,in time,, and ,,,on time , , , , , . because we are married or in a committed relationship. it not prison its should not be dooms day for any one. I tell my woman that if your looking for away out you do not have to make your self a victim. the door works two ways. reverend T.D. jakes said in the video (c your way clear ) that some one can love you and leave you , , , he also talks about completing each other not competing with each other and you'll my not be leave this . but I love her to LIFE. . the relationship thing alone is hard enough , never the less lots of distance . less time and more space ! . so if your looking through my phone find what ever you find you dell with it . or you don't , , . I pay the bill its my phone . and I don't do these types of thing to some one then turn around and say I love you . or even worst I love you with all my heart . It JUST CANT BE TRUE . your actions
    shows it !

  92. I believe you should be able to go through your mates phones it should be some equal respect among you. If there's nothing to hide then why can't I the problem I having when men have a double standard and don't want to play fair. I was in a 10 year relationship and the trust and insecurity was vast I'm not a insecure person that's just my nature. But as she said we have those moments when your just curious were human I took the lock off my phone just to make my mate feel comfortable but he wouldn't take the lock off his… ergo double standard so I'm all for making each other feel okay not okay with double standards .

  93. This article my husband and I can definitely can say is truely us. Been married for five together ten. I definitely agree.Its all good.

  94. My hubby phone is business and I don't feel the need to search through it. I have lock on my phone and he doesn't try to go through mine. I've been married to this man for 16 yrs and yes he has earned my trust!

  95. true story… recently i have become part of serious relationship…still early days but as soon as i knew for certain and for sure He’s the one i want to be with…i deleted EVERYTHING…photos, chats, filed and saved messages, numbers, names, the works…everything and anything related to previous boyfriends/lovers…why?…so my boyfriend can and will be able to go through my phone and not find anything related to anyone that may “pose a threat” (even if only in his mind) to our relationship…he didn’t ask me to, i just thought it was the right thing to do…and it felt cleansing too…some of that stuff had been precious to me once…some of the pics etc were years old…but..FULL DELETE was the appropriate way to deal with it….cause i wouldn’t like to stumble upon private stuff that would make me wonder and cause unnecessary problems..i wouldn’t want him to feel insecure about previous PAST..when he is my present and future..hes in a league all of his own..and deleting the ‘PAST’ was one way of confirming that …cause he is the first man i have done that for..erasing them and all possibility of contact from my end is part of my commitment…oh..i have the lock code etc to his phone too and i have full access to it…so yeah..if you have nothing to hide…you have nothing to fear..and if your spouse wants/needs to check every now and then…let them :)

  96. I go thru my wife's phone but I get fussed out, and have actually found something. Men have intuition too!

  97. Like Ronald Reagan said "Trust but verify." lol great honest piece! My bf allows me access bc he says he has nothing to hide. It works!

  98. My thought on this is that if spouses have to check each other’s phone it to me signals lack of trust and or immaturity. Now answering the phone is ok if the spouse is not able to, even by chance noticing something unusual on phone by accident resulting in U checking is ok; but the deliberate act to take up the phone to check calls, messages etc. unwarranted is evidence of insecurity or trust issues and it mobile is 479 4537may be so for justifiable reasons; then in that case get help and move on. Checking your spouse phone won’t change your feelings,therefore deal with the issues that will affect that change if there is a change at all

  99. I have nit been that woman, but if I have a feeling to do so I express it to my mate. My Pastor shared that he doesn't lock his phone from his wife but for security reasons, but his wife has his password.

  100. The person who wrote this article is STUPID!!! that is all.

  101. I'm the same way with my husband's phone. I respect his privacy and he respects my right to invade it once in a blue moon. Because I'm curious as well. As long as no one gets bent out of shape and it's agreed that it's ok nothing wrong with it. Also, I help set his phone periodically so sometimes he just hands it over.

  102. I did and now we are in a bad space .I never get why he's comfortable grabbing my phone but gets irritated when I grab his .even when there's nothing to find in his phone

  103. I would never go through my mate's phone. We were married seven years and split up for other reasons, but I NEVER checked her phone to see what was in it. If she checked my phone, she never told me about it.


  1. 10 Signs You're Past The Honeymoon PhaseRelationship Expert Advice, Dating Expert, Relationship Advice - […] You’ll go through his phone, and he may even go through yours. It’s too good to be true, right? …

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