I really want to emphasize how much I dislike and disagree with this belief as it pertains to relationships. I hear it all the time and as a matter of fact I heard it yesterday which is what prompted me to write this post. Is there some truth to the idea that men like a challenge? Yes, but women (and some men) have taken this concept and blown it out of proportion. There is a big misunderstanding of what this really means and when it can work for you or work against you. Women are shooting themselves in the foot on a daily basis and don’t even realize it. People are feeding them this “just play hard to get” strategy and setting many up to never be gotten. As you can clearly see I do not like this challenge concept at all, so let me better explain my position against the idea that men like a challenge.
How many of you know a woman or have been a woman who has used this strategy. You did the whole play hard to get thing and from what you can see it worked. You were able to get the man’s attention and were successful in reeling him in. Then the minute you want to let your guard down or get serious about the relationship this man decides to fall back and shows resistance to moving forward. Do you want to know why that happens? It’s not because men want a challenge so bad and you easing up turned him off. It’s because he was never that into you as a person in the first place. You were successful at intriguing him with that challenge and intrigue can be a passing phase. What was never established was a genuine interest in who you really are as a person which is a much better foundation for a good and healthy relationship. Men loving a challenge is a self-fulfilling desire. It is an ego booster and it feeds their competitive nature. It is our way of separating ourselves from the rest in being able to say we were able to overcome this challenge and conquer it. Recognize that this all comes from a selfish place and do you really want to build your relationship based on a selfish principle? Look at it like this, a man being attracted to your challenge can be like a man who finds a new video game he wants to play. He will stay up all night trying to play the game. He will think about it daily trying to figure out how to maneuver through it and reach new levels (kissing, sex, head, free food and gifts). I mean some will become so obsessed with it and it will be what they constantly talk about. Then guess what happens after the man has “won” that challenge and conquered that game…he throws it to the back with the rest of the previous challenges and starts his search for a new conquest. It can be as simple as that because you presented a challenge to attract him and not a genuine person to attract him. Now I know what some of you are thinking. You know of women who have done this and succeeded in getting a man as well as getting a ring. There are many explanations as to why this can happen and I will just point out a couple of them. Sometimes women are fortunate and despite the challenge they presented that man was genuinely into who she was. So though she may think the challenge helped, that really was not what created a great relationship. In some cases the woman is able to reel the man in and he simply gets “stuck”. So because he doesn’t have the balls to pull out now because he is in too deep, he allows the relationship to drag on. They are not in a healthy and happy relationship so that does not support the challenge concept. Things are not always what they seem and though there may be exceptions to the rule I am willing to bet those numbers are not in favor of using the challenge strategy.
Here is what this boils down to. Men do love when you are a woman who cannot be had by every and any man. When you have standards and don’t fall for every lame man who throws some game at you. When they can view being with you is like an honor, then yes many men will be drawn to that when they are looking to be in a serious relationship. That is not the equivalent of being difficult and “playing hard to get”. It just means you are able to recognize B.S. and you don’t stand for anything less than you deserve. That is the challenge that men like. You should still operate with an open and loving heart. You should not be playing mind games and calculating who should call and when. You should not have the mentality that he needs to do everything to get you while you sit back and do nothing. I mean there is so much more to say and explain on this topic but this is a blog and I have to cut this short. I think I need to add a chapter in my next book just for this subject. Don’t focus on being the challenge he wants…focus on being the person that you truly are. The right man will embrace that and the video game players can just keep it moving.
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is a Certified Life & Relationship Coach, Speaker, and Author of the #1 Best Seller "God Where Is My Boaz" as well as the Award Winning book "How To Get A Woman To Have Sex With You...If You're Her Husband". Stephan is on a mission to help men and women experience happier, healthier, and more fulfilling relationships. He is a highly sought after coach and speaker who has been seen, heard and chronicled in various national and international media outlets. soulmate