You Can’t Make Them Love You
A lot of people say you shouldn’t give up so easily in a relationship. You should fight through the issues and keep pushing forward. Stick together and work it out is what they proclaim, but sometimes that still doesn’t seem to make a difference.
Many of you are dealing with a person who just won’t seem to give you what you need. Despite the countless attempts to express how you feel, nothing really changes. You may get some temporary improved behavior, just enough to keep you around, and before you know it, it’s the same old nonsense once again. You feel you love them so much, and you badly want this to work out. You spend countless hours stressed out in an attempt to understand why they won’t just give you what you need. You ask yourself, the one above, and whoever else will listen, “what can I do to make them love me”.
This may be a tough pill to swallow, but you can’t make them love you. You can kick and scream all you want, but if they aren’t willing to make that choice to step up, than nothing will change. The reasons will vary as to what’s holding them back. Some may not be truly into their partner but keeps the person around out of convenience. Some may actually love you, but due to unresolved issues from within they are struggling with embracing how they feel (please note that this person doesn’t tend to be someone who constantly mistreats you). Either way the list goes on and the point is still the same. You can’t make them love you, but here is what you can do.
Don’t feed into the negativity.
If they want to act a fool, then let them be a fool on their own. If they are truly just afraid of embracing their feelings, well don’t give them more reason to be scared due to you lashing out in frustration. Always take a positive approach, and when that isn’t enough, then that is more reason to believe it is probably time to walk away. Depending on other factors, that walk may be temporary or permanent, but either way it is probably necessary.
You can be honest with yourself.
Are you truly dealing with the person that is best for you, or are you just trying to hold on to the person who you hoped it could work out with? Do you hold on because you love them or because you have a deeper rooted fear/pride that you aren’t properly addressing? If love isn’t what’s truly keeping you around, then love isn’t what you will be able to pull out of them. Don’t paint your motives with the label of love, when it isn’t really about that.
You can be honest with them and properly express your feelings.
If you have yet to tell them how you feel, you can’t expect them to know how correct the issue. Many are frustrated with a partner who has no clue what the issue really is. You may have expressed it, but if it was done in negativity (yelling, insulting, etc) then that doesn’t count. One you take a positive approach to communication, then you can more easily evaluate what you’re really dealing with. If they continue to ignore and dismiss how you feel, then you probably will need to dismiss them out of your life.
Continuing to give to someone in a relationship that isn’t interested in giving you anything back will simply leave you worn out, hurt, and disappointed. I know all situations are different, but the reality is that a lot of people are holding on to the wrong person for the wrong reasons. You know deep inside if you are that person. You know if you have been fighting a battle out of wishful thinking instead out of a true genuine connection that is just facing some obstacles. You have to embrace that you deserve better, and that dwelling in a negative situation isn’t going to produce anything positive. Action is needed, but not the kind that tries to run away from the issue. It’s the kind that takes a real look in the mirror to fully understand what you’re truly up against. You can’t make them love you, but you sure can start loving yourself.
Stephan Labossiere – has written 103 posts on this site.
is a Certified Life & Relationship Coach, Speaker, and Author of the #1 Best Seller "God Where Is My Boaz" as well as the Award Winning book "How To Get A Woman To Have Sex With You...If You're Her Husband". Stephan is on a mission to help men and women experience happier, healthier, and more fulfilling relationships. He is a highly sought after coach and speaker who has been seen, heard and chronicled in various national and international media outlets. soulmate