You Can't Make Them Love You - They Have To Choose To Love you

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You Can’t Make Them Love You

Posted by Stephan Labossiere in Advice for Men, Advice for Women, Dating | 61 comments |Tags: , , , ,

sad couples cant make them love you

A lot of people say you shouldn’t give up so easily in a relationship. You should fight through the issues and keep pushing forward. Stick together and work it out is what they proclaim, but sometimes that still doesn’t seem to make a difference.

Many of you are dealing with a person who just won’t seem to give you what you need. Despite the countless attempts to express how you feel, nothing really changes. You may get some temporary improved behavior, just enough to keep you around, and before you know it, it’s the same old nonsense once again. You feel you love them so much, and you badly want this to work out. You spend countless hours stressed out in an attempt to understand why they won’t just give you what you need. You ask yourself, the one above, and whoever else will listen, “what can I do to make them love me”.

This may be a tough pill to swallow, but you can’t make them love you. You can kick and scream all you want, but if they aren’t willing to make that choice to step up, than nothing will change. The reasons will vary as to what’s holding them back. Some may not be truly into their partner but keeps the person around out of convenience. Some may actually love you, but due to unresolved issues from within they are struggling with embracing how they feel (please note that this person doesn’t tend to be someone who constantly mistreats you). Either way the list goes on and the point is still the same. You can’t make them love you, but here is what you can do.

Don’t feed into the negativity.

If they want to act a fool, then let them be a fool on their own. If they are truly just afraid of embracing their feelings, well don’t give them more reason to be scared due to you lashing out in frustration. Always take a positive approach, and when that isn’t enough, then that is more reason to believe it is probably time to walk away. Depending on other factors, that walk may be temporary or permanent, but either way it is probably necessary.

You can be honest with yourself.

Are you truly dealing with the person that is best for you, or are you just trying to hold on to the person who you hoped it could work out with? Do you hold on because you love them or because you have a deeper rooted fear/pride that you aren’t properly addressing? If love isn’t what’s truly keeping you around, then love isn’t what you will be able to pull out of them. Don’t paint your motives with the label of love, when it isn’t really about that.

You can be honest with them and properly express your feelings.

If you have yet to tell them how you feel, you can’t expect them to know how correct the issue. Many are frustrated with a partner who has no clue what the issue really is. You may have expressed it, but if it was done in negativity (yelling, insulting, etc) then that doesn’t count. One you take a positive approach to communication, then you can more easily evaluate what you’re really dealing with. If they continue to ignore and dismiss how you feel, then you probably will need to dismiss them out of your life.

Continuing to give to someone in a relationship that isn’t interested in giving you anything back will simply leave you worn out, hurt, and disappointed. I know all situations are different, but the reality is that a lot of people are holding on to the wrong person for the wrong reasons. You know deep inside if you are that person. You know if you have been fighting a battle out of wishful thinking instead out of a true genuine connection that is just facing some obstacles. You have to embrace that you deserve better, and that dwelling in a negative situation isn’t going to produce anything positive. Action is needed, but not the kind that tries to run away from the issue. It’s the kind that takes a real look in the mirror to fully understand what you’re truly up against. You can’t make them love you, but you sure can start loving yourself.

About Stephan Labossiere
is a Certified Life & Relationship Coach, Speaker, and Author of the #1 Best Seller "God Where Is My Boaz" as well as the Award Winning book "How To Get A Woman To Have Sex With You...If You're Her Husband". Stephan is on a mission to help men and women experience happier, healthier, and more fulfilling relationships. He is a highly sought after coach and speaker who has been seen, heard and chronicled in various national and international media outlets. soulmate

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  • http://rumpunchdrunk.blogspot.com/ Rum Punch Drunk

    If love doesn’t come naturally and you have to try and force or coerce someone to love you then you’ve already lost the battle, so to speak. People get into relationships and can clearly see that they are not suited to each other but for whatever reason, don’t want to let go. That’s so sad, because for every day that they hang on to a dead relationship, they are missing out on a brighter future with someone else.

    Honesty and communication is key.

  • naynay whiteside

    This is so for me I’m going true this now and its hard

  • jodd

    I so agree :-(

  • phumzile

    The truth hurts but there is no two ways about it . If you dont do what’s best for you nobody will. You cannot force issues if its not working, its better to quit because in the process you are hurting yourself and hating the partner

  • Yevette Williams

    I’m so broken right now. This article is on point. I have known this man for 10 and more off and
    on,I was in love with someone else and had to let that slide and decided to
    chill by myself . This guy was always
    there, so I finally decided to give in, and that’s at a 100% this time around. The next week he came over left his jacket on
    my couch and the alarm on his phone went off, he was sleeping (didn’t hear a
    thing). I got up to turn the alarm off, then something
    told me to check his texts, whatsapp, pictures, and of course there it was
    pictures of him and another woman, she even sent pictures of herself in her underwear. He’s always taking vacation in Jamaica every
    chance he gets because of this woman.
    What I cannot understand is this; I’ve asked him time and time again if
    he had someone else he should let me go, he lied like it was the truth, and
    made me feel like there was no one else. When I confronted him about it he asked
    me “why I was searching his phone” (I told him for the truth) then he said
    “what does it matter she’s there and he’s here with me I told him he was
    nasty and sick (because of the nasty thing they did when they were together it
    was all in the messages). I was crushed !!…I
    didn’t really love this man, but because
    he won’t stop perusing me I gave in. long story short which was even more shocking. I contacted the woman via Facebook (not in a
    disrespectful manner because she’s not to blame) because I wanted to know how
    deep their relationship was. Plus giving
    her information about him that I think she should know. However she got the message and contacted
    him. And I don’t know what happened next made me feel so disrespected and low, he
    gave her my house number to contact me (that destroyed me!!) she wasn’t rude or
    anything she said “she was looking for answers” she even told me they were
    dating for 2 years, and plans to spend summer with him in Canada, he even told
    her I was mad because he left me for her and how I got her information is
    because he met me in the mall and I asked him for a phone call and that’s how I
    got her information???(I told her I just found out about the relationship
    something that was hidden, and would have remained that way if I didn’t go searching.
    I was torn apart couldn’t believe this was the same person pursuing me (as I
    write this I’m fighting hard to stay afloat the thoughts are killing me slowly,
    can’t stop crying, I get this feeling in my stomach that makes me feel sick, every
    time I feel this way I have to lay down and cry, which brings an ease to that
    feeling) . While speaking with her on
    the phone he called and she linked us three way, I asked him to tell the truth
    he told her to hung up the phone she didn’t ,he ended up hanging up (disbelief). I
    called him to ask him what the hell is wrong with him he never picked up, so I texted
    him about three times (now keep in mind on the same day all this happened, he
    had called me that day earlier 9 times telling me about love, and accused me of
    cheating so he can justify his actions (I could believe it). So I texted
    him a few times, telling him he needs help, and how and why would he do this to
    me , a few minutes later the cops called
    and said they got a complain that I was texting him, I told the cops I did ,because he had people calling me from
    Jamaica harassing me, then the cops said they will speak to him about it…My heart has been torn from my
    chest, the pain that I felt/feeling , I won’t wish it on my worst enemy. I’m trying to understand the wicked ways of some
    people. I begged this man to leave me alone and he won’t now look he treated me
    like I was garbage. I feel like I was dealing with the enemy and didn’t even
    know. This guy went from sheep to a snake, in the space of a couple hours. He turned against me for someone who he only
    sees maybe 2 months out of the year every year. Somebody a country apart.

  • juliet kaimbi

    Love should just flow without pushing.

  • tooldforgames

    I have always said you can’t make someone love you but also there are some people who are just incapable of loving anyone and they say “I love You” just out of habit and nothing more

  • TAY

    I been with this guy for three year and he finally left me for another girl. He was my first and i lost my virginity to him when i was 21. It been 3 months and i still haven’t gotten over it. I cry myself to sleep every night. he dump me like i meant nothing to him and killed my pride as a woman. Now he’s every where with his new girlfriend. I thought he love me. I did everything I could to make it work. I just don’t know were I went wrong. I starting to realized that he just didn’t love me, because the entire time we dated, he were always cheating and very disrespectful. he never appreciated nothing I did, so I just don’t know why i cant seem to get over him. I really want to move on.

    • Heartbroken

      I am currently going through this exact situation. Except he wasn’t my first, but everything else you stated…I dealt with it also.

  • Robby

    For better or for WORSE… You both promised it. All the things discussed here are the WORST part. Remember your oath people.

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