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Posted by on Oct 27, 2013 in Advice for Men, Advice for Women, Dating | 56 comments Tags: , , , ,

You Can’t Make Them Love You

sad couples cant make them love you

A lot of people say you shouldn’t give up so easily in a relationship. You should fight through the issues and keep pushing forward. Stick together and work it out is what they proclaim, but sometimes that still doesn’t seem to make a difference.

Many of you are dealing with a person who just won’t seem to give you what you need. Despite the countless attempts to express how you feel, nothing really changes. You may get some temporary improved behavior, just enough to keep you around, and before you know it, it’s the same old nonsense once again. You feel you love them so much, and you badly want this to work out. You spend countless hours stressed out in an attempt to understand why they won’t just give you what you need. You ask yourself, the one above, and whoever else will listen, “what can I do to make them love me”.

This may be a tough pill to swallow, but you can’t make them love you. You can kick and scream all you want, but if they aren’t willing to make that choice to step up, than nothing will change. The reasons will vary as to what’s holding them back. Some may not be truly into their partner but keeps the person around out of convenience. Some may actually love you, but due to unresolved issues from within they are struggling with embracing how they feel (please note that this person doesn’t tend to be someone who constantly mistreats you). Either way the list goes on and the point is still the same. You can’t make them love you, but here is what you can do.

Don’t feed into the negativity.

If they want to act a fool, then let them be a fool on their own. If they are truly just afraid of embracing their feelings, well don’t give them more reason to be scared due to you lashing out in frustration. Always take a positive approach, and when that isn’t enough, then that is more reason to believe it is probably time to walk away. Depending on other factors, that walk may be temporary or permanent, but either way it is probably necessary.

You can be honest with yourself.

Are you truly dealing with the person that is best for you, or are you just trying to hold on to the person who you hoped it could work out with? Do you hold on because you love them or because you have a deeper rooted fear/pride that you aren’t properly addressing? If love isn’t what’s truly keeping you around, then love isn’t what you will be able to pull out of them. Don’t paint your motives with the label of love, when it isn’t really about that.

You can be honest with them and properly express your feelings.

If you have yet to tell them how you feel, you can’t expect them to know how correct the issue. Many are frustrated with a partner who has no clue what the issue really is. You may have expressed it, but if it was done in negativity (yelling, insulting, etc) then that doesn’t count. One you take a positive approach to communication, then you can more easily evaluate what you’re really dealing with. If they continue to ignore and dismiss how you feel, then you probably will need to dismiss them out of your life.

Continuing to give to someone in a relationship that isn’t interested in giving you anything back will simply leave you worn out, hurt, and disappointed. I know all situations are different, but the reality is that a lot of people are holding on to the wrong person for the wrong reasons. You know deep inside if you are that person. You know if you have been fighting a battle out of wishful thinking instead out of a true genuine connection that is just facing some obstacles. You have to embrace that you deserve better, and that dwelling in a negative situation isn’t going to produce anything positive. Action is needed, but not the kind that tries to run away from the issue. It’s the kind that takes a real look in the mirror to fully understand what you’re truly up against. You can’t make them love you, but you sure can start loving yourself.

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About Stephan Labossiere
is a Certified Life & Relationship Coach, Speaker, and Author of the #1 Best Seller "God Where Is My Boaz" as well as the Award Winning book "How To Get A Woman To Have Sex With You...If You're Her Husband". Stephan is on a mission to help men and women experience happier, healthier, and more fulfilling relationships. He is a highly sought after coach and speaker who has been seen, heard and chronicled in various national and international media outlets. soulmate

56 Comments

  1. Sometimes you have to back away from situation, let time go by, and people will get their act together. That is, if it's meant to be of course

  2. If love doesn’t come naturally and you have to try and force or coerce someone to love you then you’ve already lost the battle, so to speak. People get into relationships and can clearly see that they are not suited to each other but for whatever reason, don’t want to let go. That’s so sad, because for every day that they hang on to a dead relationship, they are missing out on a brighter future with someone else.

    Honesty and communication is key.

  3. Sometimes the hardest part of walking away from someone that you thought you loved, is admitting that you have an emotional attachment. People oftentimes know they have to leave their partner, but they do not follow through with it because of this attachment. Perhaps they are fearful of not being able to pick up the pieces and move on. That can be scary for some.

  4. I need this. At this exact moment. On this exact day. I knew all of it, but sometimes you have to see it in print to take it into you mind.

  5. This is so for me I’m going true this now and its hard

  6. OMG….you summed up my situation totall. Dealt with these emotions for so many years unfortunately nothing changed and I had to leave it will destroy you!

  7. Oh my word. Thats some deep information. Which is right on point. Omg.

  8. i CERTANLY AGREE WITH YOU ON THAT gILBERTO!!!!

  9. Amen!

  10. I so agree :-(

  11. I wish I had read this many years ago. I was in a relationship for many years where I tried to make someone love me. I'm finally getting a divorce. It hasn't been easy but I'm finally starting to find the happiness and love that I've deserved.

  12. I so agree with these comments, and I'm trying to let go but he won't, but I think I've finally gotten thru to him, I sorry to say this but sometimes you just have to join the game they play, just don't play but one time no sence in becoming that person. Keep posting , reading this is helping so many people, good word Stephan

  13. My exact situation..exact.

  14. Great article, Stephan. Especially the part about letting them be foolish on their OWN time. I know some people here and there seem to disagree with your posts, but by and large they are straight on. I am a 55 year old woman, and wish greatly that there had been articles like this available to me in my 20's and 30's. We might not always like the truth, but when we start dealing with the truth, things can only get better. Denial and not honoring yourself can only result in being used by someone that does not have your best interests at heart.

  15. Just let go of a relationship that was just like this, I simply had gotten fed up with all the games!

  16. a day will come when everything's right. You know when it's time. Yes he will keep calling aye even begging for you to come back. Find the strength somewhere. Don't pick up that phone. It will get easier as time does its thing We wan must embrace ourselves and make sure who's important here. It's going to be a bumpy road but we can get through it in time. Good luck all I working that road right now. I always go back!! I will find the strength to carry on sooner than later

  17. Better to admit it's over, move on, and never look back. It took me a long time to figure it out. You can not be happy with another person if you don't move forward :-)

  18. I didn't post this. I am having issues with my new phone really didn't even read it lol

  19. i'm goin thru this right now. i met the most awesome guy. We clicked right away and we're great together. He told me he wasn't interested in a relationship but we were always together for the first couple of months. i even met his son, friends, and family. but once i revealed my true feelings it was almost immediately over with. he does have a lot going on his life right now but it still hurts me to let go. also, it makes me wonder if i even know what a real connection is anymore??

  20. I love this and everything you said is true. Thank you very much for sharing this.

  21. This is spot on. God has blessed you with pulling together the root of relationships. Bless you.

  22. The truth hurts but there is no two ways about it . If you dont do what’s best for you nobody will. You cannot force issues if its not working, its better to quit because in the process you are hurting yourself and hating the partner

  23. Yes, I really needed this today- Thanks for reminding me…..

  24. I’m so broken right now. This article is on point. I have known this man for 10 and more off and on,I was in love with someone else and had to let that slide and decided to chill by myself . This guy was always there, so I finally decided to give in, and that's at a 100% this time around. The next week he came over left his jacket on my couch and the alarm on his phone went off, he was sleeping (didn't hear a thing). I got up to turn the alarm off, then something told me to check his texts, whatsapp, pictures, and of course there it was pictures of him and another woman, she even sent pictures of herself in her underwear. He’s always taking vacation in Jamaica every chance he gets because of this woman. What I cannot understand is this; I've asked him time and time again if he had someone else he should let me go, he lied like it was the truth, and made me feel like there was no one else. When I confronted him about it he asked me “why I was searching his phone” (I told him for the truth) then he said "what does it matter she's there and he's here with me I told him he was nasty and sick (because of the nasty thing they did when they were together it was all in the messages). I was crushed !!…I didn’t really love this man, but because he won't stop perusing me I gave in. long story short which was even more shocking. I contacted the woman via Facebook (not in a disrespectful manner because she’s not to blame) because I wanted to know how deep their relationship was. Plus giving her information about him that I think she should know. However she got the message and contacted him. And I don’t know what happened next made me feel so disrespected and low, he gave her my house number to contact me (that destroyed me!!) she wasn’t rude or anything she said “she was looking for answers” she even told me they were dating for 2 years, and plans to spend summer with him in Canada, he even told her I was mad because he left me for her and how I got her information is because he met me in the mall and I asked him for a phone call and that’s how I got her information???(I told her I just found out about the relationship something that was hidden, and would have remained that way if I didn’t go searching. I was torn apart couldn’t believe this was the same person pursuing me (as I write this I’m fighting hard to stay afloat the thoughts are killing me slowly, can’t stop crying, I get this feeling in my stomach that makes me feel sick, every time I feel this way I have to lay down and cry, which brings an ease to that feeling) . While speaking with her on the phone he called and she linked us three way, I asked him to tell the truth he told her to hung up the phone she didn’t ,he ended up hanging up (disbelief). I called him to ask him what the hell is wrong with him he never picked up, so I texted him about three times (now keep in mind on the same day all this happened, he had called me that day earlier 9 times telling me about love, and accused me of cheating so he can justify his actions (I could believe it). So I texted him a few times, telling him he needs help, and how and why would he do this to me , a few minutes later the cops called and said they got a complain that I was texting him, I told the cops I did ,because he had people calling me from Jamaica harassing me, then the cops said they will speak to him about it…My heart has been torn from my chest, the pain that I felt/feeling , I won’t wish it on my worst enemy. I’m trying to understand the wicked ways of some people. I begged this man to leave me alone and he won’t now look he treated me like I was garbage. I feel like I was dealing with the enemy and didn’t even know. This guy went from sheep to a snake, in the space of a couple hours. He turned against me for someone who he only sees maybe 2 months out of the year every year. Somebody a country apart.

  25. I’m so broken right now. This article is on point. I have known this man for 10 and more off and
    on,I was in love with someone else and had to let that slide and decided to
    chill by myself . This guy was always
    there, so I finally decided to give in, and that’s at a 100% this time around. The next week he came over left his jacket on
    my couch and the alarm on his phone went off, he was sleeping (didn’t hear a
    thing). I got up to turn the alarm off, then something
    told me to check his texts, whatsapp, pictures, and of course there it was
    pictures of him and another woman, she even sent pictures of herself in her underwear. He’s always taking vacation in Jamaica every
    chance he gets because of this woman.
    What I cannot understand is this; I’ve asked him time and time again if
    he had someone else he should let me go, he lied like it was the truth, and
    made me feel like there was no one else. When I confronted him about it he asked
    me “why I was searching his phone” (I told him for the truth) then he said
    “what does it matter she’s there and he’s here with me I told him he was
    nasty and sick (because of the nasty thing they did when they were together it
    was all in the messages). I was crushed !!…I
    didn’t really love this man, but because
    he won’t stop perusing me I gave in. long story short which was even more shocking. I contacted the woman via Facebook (not in a
    disrespectful manner because she’s not to blame) because I wanted to know how
    deep their relationship was. Plus giving
    her information about him that I think she should know. However she got the message and contacted
    him. And I don’t know what happened next made me feel so disrespected and low, he
    gave her my house number to contact me (that destroyed me!!) she wasn’t rude or
    anything she said “she was looking for answers” she even told me they were
    dating for 2 years, and plans to spend summer with him in Canada, he even told
    her I was mad because he left me for her and how I got her information is
    because he met me in the mall and I asked him for a phone call and that’s how I
    got her information???(I told her I just found out about the relationship
    something that was hidden, and would have remained that way if I didn’t go searching.
    I was torn apart couldn’t believe this was the same person pursuing me (as I
    write this I’m fighting hard to stay afloat the thoughts are killing me slowly,
    can’t stop crying, I get this feeling in my stomach that makes me feel sick, every
    time I feel this way I have to lay down and cry, which brings an ease to that
    feeling) . While speaking with her on
    the phone he called and she linked us three way, I asked him to tell the truth
    he told her to hung up the phone she didn’t ,he ended up hanging up (disbelief). I
    called him to ask him what the hell is wrong with him he never picked up, so I texted
    him about three times (now keep in mind on the same day all this happened, he
    had called me that day earlier 9 times telling me about love, and accused me of
    cheating so he can justify his actions (I could believe it). So I texted
    him a few times, telling him he needs help, and how and why would he do this to
    me , a few minutes later the cops called
    and said they got a complain that I was texting him, I told the cops I did ,because he had people calling me from
    Jamaica harassing me, then the cops said they will speak to him about it…My heart has been torn from my
    chest, the pain that I felt/feeling , I won’t wish it on my worst enemy. I’m trying to understand the wicked ways of some
    people. I begged this man to leave me alone and he won’t now look he treated me
    like I was garbage. I feel like I was dealing with the enemy and didn’t even
    know. This guy went from sheep to a snake, in the space of a couple hours. He turned against me for someone who he only
    sees maybe 2 months out of the year every year. Somebody a country apart.

  26. I kept hanging on to someone who I love . And still do .. But had to let go finally … He cheated .. Lied and we went back and forth for awhile .. He never changed.. He was still talking to women in dating sites .. Meeting them .. And he proclaimed he loved me …
    What a fool I was .. He killed my soul and broke my heart .. Couldn't do it any longer .. I deserved better .

  27. Wow… I came across this message by an act of God. Thank you.

  28. I think that people need to learn to be ok with someone not loving them. The hardest part of letting go for me, was the realization that he didn't love me. Not, everyone in life is going to like you let alone love you. And that's ok! I believe there is someone out there for everyone. When someone truly loves you, there is nothing they aren't willing to do for you. Each person in a relationship should be giving 100%. If you aren't or don't want to, then you're better off to let each other go.

  29. It's so true
    I hope my relationship can resolve itself.

  30. Love should just flow without pushing.

  31. Thank you I need this…

  32. I have always said you can’t make someone love you but also there are some people who are just incapable of loving anyone and they say “I love You” just out of habit and nothing more

  33. Love this.thank you:)

  34. Unfortunately, I was in the same boat I thought he's love me he lie and cheated on me package his bags and left. Now I'm left to pick up the pieces I don't know if I could do it again.

  35. Definitely true, they say the truth will set you free I totally agree with you Kathy.

  36. I been with this guy for three year and he finally left me for another girl. He was my first and i lost my virginity to him when i was 21. It been 3 months and i still haven’t gotten over it. I cry myself to sleep every night. he dump me like i meant nothing to him and killed my pride as a woman. Now he’s every where with his new girlfriend. I thought he love me. I did everything I could to make it work. I just don’t know were I went wrong. I starting to realized that he just didn’t love me, because the entire time we dated, he were always cheating and very disrespectful. he never appreciated nothing I did, so I just don’t know why i cant seem to get over him. I really want to move on.

  37. So sorry that happened to you. Good thing nothing progressed further. All that happened shouldn't have happened to you.

  38. I dont know how to put this…. but we are just like 'friends only' after 29 years of marriage. He does not let go and i am hanging on due to my children, status, financial and comfort zone. However, the frustration of non genuine connection and the denial of intimacy is killing me…..

  39. I've reached this conclusion as well. It's time to hang em up and move forward.

  40. Some did not want a true commitment to begin with. They were just biding their time for complicated reasons … best not to let them steal your time and opportunity.

  41. Wow what a great article and so on time. Definitely food for thought

  42. Ever

  43. Wow I keep giving and trying the thing is I'm truly INLOVE with him this story is all me thank u

  44. So true, I tried so hard to make it work, but finally I realized it was pointless , I had to let him go, I realized that I was inlove but he wasnt, n i was heart broken but then I fell in love with myself n I thank God everyday, for giving me the strength to move on ,

  45. Great article I love this…

  46. God bless you

  47. For better or for WORSE… You both promised it. All the things discussed here are the WORST part. Remember your oath people.

  48. Same exact situation it does hurt to knew i meant nothing for him :(

  49. Move on move on- you deserve much better- make space for it to appear and it will. In the meantime, hold your head up and enjoy life.

  50. DO NOT allow him to question yourself. Keep on reading the good advice on this site, and asol check out Baggage Reclaim by NML You will be educated about the emotionally unavailable male and no longer waste your time on these a**clowns.

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